Woolworths Coogee

You know what really grinds my gears?
Supermarkets that aren’t super. Woolies @ Coogee I’m looking squarely at you!
If variety is the spice of life, then lack of variety is a bland stew. The variety here smokes. It’s like that one vegetarian friend that invites themselves to your 3-​day all you can eat BBQ meat-​marathon… and brings a salad. Jerry brought a buffalo stuffed with an apple for the spit; Daveo brought a slab of tinnies, a tray of snags and a kilo of bacon; Kyle? he brought a garden salad… yeah thanks Kyle.
Woolies @ Coogee is the Kyle of the variety kingdom…
I can put up with the soused females, charging up and down the aisles carrying schooners of Coogee cocktail (bourbon and coke for the lay person) dropping a MOAB payload of F’s and C’s to clear all those blocking them from the chip aisle — Your a cee, he’s a cee, everyones an eff’n cee, where’s the effin chips?, I want effin chips!
I can put up with that bloke, in his loose grey trakky daks and never-​been-​washed Bunnies beanie conducting an extended audition for the bum puppets.
I can put up with that other bloke whose so towelled up on tinnies, pre 5pm, that he can barely slur, and then decides it’s a wicked good idea to hit woolies for groceries (and hit on every passing female).
I can put up with the trays of busted eggs that when you get home and open the carton, it looks like they’ve been tested with a hammer.
I can even put up with the Alanis Morissette inspired irony of your «fresh food people» slogan (tip: That dark shade of yellow you call «organic» is what we humans call brown).
But what I can’t, won’t, and don’t put up with is the sheer lack of variety on your shelves. 1 brand name and 2 versions of your generics is bad enough, but when you don’t have any of them?
The worst is when you have specials… and those are the only things NOT in stock on the aisle. Ummm like restock the specials eh? That’s the whole point of them. Saying you have specials and then having a full stock of everything BUT specials makes you a doucher not super — douchermarket does have a ring to it.
The saving grace, and what gets you the star, is the friendly staff. They greet warmly, they service quickly and converse pleasantly, and above all they put up with all of the patronage described above which would require patience and restraint at a threshhold that I currently don’t posses.