The Five Dock Hotel is a pretty miserable place to kill time in the early stretches of New Year’s Eve. I know this because I have tried this. I never really put too much effort into planning a New Year’s Eve celebration, partly because a) I am a contrarian at heart and b) I kind of can’t be bothered. So I usually end up floating around to some friend’s houses and a few bars here and there and just see what happens. So this year, I went to dinner at a Thai place and then to the Five Dock Hotel while I was waiting to hit up my friend’s house. What a mistake. This might have been the most despair filled room I have ever been inside. Just as we were about to leave, an argument broke out between two old men leading one to pick up the other in a Heimlich style move and put him down, just to prove a point. I don’t even think they were friends, just antagonists who had a conversation and decided to get into the saddest, most desperate fight I have ever seen. This futile gesture of aggression started and ended with the lift and left the three other people in the bar feeling vaguely weird and creepy. Other features of the Five Dock Hotel that I can venture to you: it has a roof, walls, windows, and doors. There are beers delivered by a tap mechanism and there are televisions here and there. We played snooker on this night and you might do the same. Despite the marvels of this modern wonderland, I cannot recommend it less. Don’t bother.
