University of Phoenix

ATTENDING ONLINE SCHOOL IS FOR THE DESPERATE, and I admit it, I was desperate. Sure I can lie to myself and keep repeating all of the marketing designed to make me feel better about this decision — and believe me I have. I do. Everyday since I signed up a year ago.
‘Online school lets you live your life! You’re not tied down to boring classes! Do what you want! Online school represents freedom!‘
Going to online school literally announces to everyone that after you graduated high school, you eventually failed. You sucked. You never finished getting your Bachelor’s degree in ANYTHING. Thousands of dollars were spent, scholarships lost, and you took Acting 101 three times because you wanted to ‘really learn the craft’. Now you find yourself 10 years out of high school and stuck in a middle management cubicle, having spent the last decade scamming your way into job interviews, trying to get past that ‘Bachelor’s degree’ requirement clearly printed on the
job posting.
‘Not everyone needs to go to college. I’ll do just fine.‘
Then you hit a ceiling in pay and all of a sudden drinking coffee and reading Unilocal reviews while hiding in your cubicle all day just isn’t paying down your debt like you had hoped. But how are you going to attend school now? You’re too old! You’re too busy buying everything APPLE or IKEA and let’s face it — you’re poor.
So you decide to go school online. So what if it cost $ 1,400 per three credit class. So what if that adds up to roughly $ 36k for two years of school. What else are you going to do? You’re always going to be employed with completely useless managers who get paid twice your salary while you do all of their work — all because you didn’t get that degree in business — well alright, I had five majors during my time in college and business was not one of them. Acting! Education! English! CIS! Classical Studies! Anything except math!
And then midway through our life’s journey I found myself in a dark wood (cubicle farm), for the straightforward pathway had been lost.
I resigned myself to the fact that I needed to just get this sucker done. I needed to bag that degree and start getting paid like the useless executive I want to be, as opposed to the useless analyst I currently am. For once I believed in myself! I can do this! At least UoP has the highest name recognition. I mean, there are definitely worse online schools out there.
Here’s a fact about going to school online. It’s easy. It’s easier than real life classes any day. No matter what the college says, online classes are always easier than regular real life school. An entire semester of information covered in five weeks? Give me a break. I’m flying through my classes, getting straight A’s and it’s all because the teacher’s CAN’T give assignments that are too difficult — there’s no time.
Papers are never longer than 2,000 words, weekly assignments can all be done the night it’s due, and sometimes, you even have time zones working for you. UoP is very ‘team oriented’ so if you want to take a break and suck, do it. As long as you have a team full of people who’ll pick up the slack. Mathematically, even if they ‘mark you down’ on the team review, it doesn’t hurt your grade — at least not enough to make you want to do ALL of the work all of the time. You’ll never meet your classmates in real life anyway.
Don’t get me wrong, I love going to school online. I like that I’m making up for having sucked during the last decade and soon I’ll be on my way to buying an ambassador position in France. I’m excited, this rocks. I even learn a thing or two every now and then. Seriously, if like me you keep sucking at life and just never got around to staying in school for 4 years straight and actually passing your classes, try UoP. If you Unilocal you can definitely go to school online.