Gettin’ Sauced Festival

Catherine said it. It was too effin hot to be there. Add in the fact that it was small, crowded and the lines were way too effin long and this event was a big time bust. If they held it in October and there were more tents with more food, it would be a helluva good time. As it stands I couldn’t wait to go home. I didn’t even drink my 3 free beers!!!
Pros: The Beer was Tasty
Cons: Everything Else

Have you ever been to hell? I thought I had several times, until I went to the Gettin’ Sauced Festival today.
107-​degrees; sweat dripping down my back, neck, and armpits; heat bouncing off the concrete; lines as long as the Great Wall of China… it all made me realize this venture was not worth the $ 8 I spent on the barbecue-​sampling, beer-​tasting wristbands.
Also, I got lost on my way there. Yep. Coming south on MoPac, I exited at the East ⁷¹⁄₂₉₀ exit. Followed the signs exactly as described, and yet I somehow ended up back on S MoPac. This is precisely why I fucking HATE south Austin. The farther south of the river you get, the more the signs lie to you. I suspect the traffic engineers were all smoking dope when they put these signs up. Either that, or it’s just some colossal joke on us northerners.
Moving on, I eventually ended up at the event. It was hot. Hotter than Satan’s titties, which illustrated to me that I was in approximately the tenth level of hell at this point, only to be going farther down. I spent forever in the will-​call line. It seems they didn’t have the customer list in alphabetical order, which is completely idiotic. I was asked, «When did you buy your ticket?» Fuck if I remember. I looked at my email on my phone and finally discovered — after holding up the line for an eon — that I’d bought my ticket on the 20^th. They still couldn’t find me on their worthless list. I showed them proof of my purchase (with the email response I’d gotten from Drew Thornley of Man Up Texas BBQ), and they let me in with wristbands.
As you might imagine, the Franklin line was the longest. I didn’t even attempt it. I’ve had Franklin BBQ, I know how good it is, so I don’t need to spend time there. The outside beer tent was my first stop. I got an Independence Amber. Good stuff.
Went to the Unilocal tent and visited. Went inside to cool down with the hundred other people by the oscillating fan. Got some grub from Shiner, which was barely passable. Got some brisket and sausage from Black’s, which was excellent. I’m not a huge sausage fan. I preferred the brisket. Stood in line for a second helping. Found out Black’s was out of brisket for the time being. Figures. Visited with Chris B and his wife for a few moments. Went back inside for my second beer.
Ventured to Sugar Shack and tried some of their mayo/​wasabi/​cayenne sauce. Loved it, and this is coming from someone who hates wasabi. Stood in line at Black’s again. They were still out of brisket. Figures. Got seconds of sauce at Sugar Shack, among other places.
Grabbed a third beer. Ran into a couple of old friends, who were sweating even more than I was. If sweat was gold, my friend Steve would be a millionaire. Stood with him in the Franklin line, though I had no intention of sticking it out. Finished my third beer. Left.
It’s a great idea, but, um, isn’t the Hot Sauce Festival tomorrow? Yeah, so what exactly is the difference between that and the Gettin’ Sauced festival? Exactly. You won’t see me at the Hot Sauce Festival. Fuck standing in 107-​degree temps in Texas-​sized lines, waiting for a scrap of bbq with a smidgen of sauce. Not again.
Note to Man Up Texas BBQ, Independence Brewery, and whoever else put on this affair: MOVE THIS EVENT TO OCTOBER, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Seriously, tie it in with Oktoberfest. Also, with the number of people I imagine fainted today from heat exhaustion at your event, you really should have hired some paramedics.
Just sayin’.