Wally’s Square Root Café

This was and still is my favorite restaurant. I think about Square Root every single day. I’m not kidding. The thought of never having another ginger lemon sweet tea, dirty mac or chili jazz dog is truly heartbreaking. Square Root, I will never forget you.
Love,
Steph

I love sketchy restaurants. Nothing gets my hormones going like a «C» rating from the inspection department. In most circumstances, I’m totally okay with an ex-​convict chef ashing his Parliament in my scrambled eggs. And if he wants to bang his whore girlfriend from behind with one hand on the sauté pan, I got no problem with that either, assuming he can keep his focus long enough to properly deglaze the pan. (Multi-​tasking is an art, of course.) And if the waiter is dealing cocaine out of the walk-​in freezer? No problem. That’s the kind of entrepreneurial spirit that keeps America ticking. Serving expired dairy products? Fine. I can find the French-​like sophistication in that sort of aggressive approach to the aging process.
But I gotta say… this place is pretty fucking filthy. I asked the waitress for a table of one, which is how I prefer to dine, but instead she directed me to an existing party of two so I could accompany a couple flies for their Saturday lunch, an inconvenient sort of company if I may say, seeing as how they didn’t bother ordering their own meals and were instead content to share mine. In some circumstances, given the food is of the highest quality, I could probably embrace my inner socialist in tolerance to their needs and spread the wealth to those sorry-​as-​shit freeloaders, but in this case, the food was the same sort of gluttonous mediocrity one could expect to find in miserable purgatories like Peoria strip malls, which just ain’t how I roll.

I love this place.
It’s low key, the food is great, and it is reasonably priced.
The service here depends on who you get. Jazz is AMAZING.
Great for vegans and vegetarians, but omnivoric for everyone!
Personal Favorites: Dirty Mac, Vegan Bonga (I’m not even vegan), The Leaky.

The food is delicious. If this were just about food, i’d give Wally’s ⁴⁄₅ stars.
The hours are not as specified, but completely random! Its incredibly annoying to try to order food from a place with inconsistent hours.
And you must specify that you want/​need syrup if you’ve ordered anything that claims to come with syrup. They give you THE smallest container of syrup ever, if they give you it all. STOP this cheap syrup crap.

I love Wally’s, but I want to love Wally’s more. It is that great in between from diner and brunch spot, but it is lacking something. The food is great, the milkshakes are great, and the line is never too bad; but Wally’s you are lacking something and when I put my finger on it I will edit this review.
Brunch and Dinner are totally legit and I always get a milkshake.

Cute, vintage, eccentric little café. Small and personable, so don’t come here if you are in the hunger danger-​zone (or call to see if there is a wait), or if you are in a rush.
The food and service were fantastic. I had the vegan bonga and fake meat was outstanding and the tofu was very good. Though way too much dressing on my salad.
The coffee is great too.
I look forward to many more meals here in the future. And I also recommend the record shop next store, Dope Jams, it’s super chill.

Had a great breakfast this morning at Wallys. The woman who served us was so good at her job, even with all the tables she was attending to, we never felt ignored or rushed. Food was delicious, and I appreciate the little salad and potatoes that came with my yummy egg, cheese, tomato and leek sandwich for only $ 6.50! Great price for a filling breakfast. My friend had an omelette with the same sides for $ 7.
Free coffee refills, with no extra charge for soy milk. Thank you thank you thank you for not fleecing our pockets! I knew there was a reason I couldnt wait to leave Williamsburg and move to Clinton Hill. THIS is the kind of reason.
I also had a HOT ginger lemon sweet tea. Oh my, at $ 2 I wanted to order three of them, but considered my caloric intake wisely. So delicious though, like a non alcoholic hot toddy. Cant wait to come back here for lunch sometime.

My meal, the vegan bonga, was wonderful. As, were the free refills of coffee.
The waitresses were also very kind, and on top of it.
Thank you, Wally’s, for not only catering to carnivores, but omnivores and herbivores as well. :)

Chili Jazz Dog was really good and it comes with salad and mac and cheese. Bottomless coffee comes with it too for only like $ 7 or something.
Peanut butter and banana sandwich with Nutella. Wash it down with an Affagatto Milkshake. Then come back to this review and check-​off «useful.»

Two dinner visits, both under $ 10 for creative, fresh food cheerfully served in a charming setting. The first visit was the Bella, a portabello mushroom wrap with spinach and goat cheese, and salad on the side with a tasty homemade dressing. The second visit was the pueblo chicken wrap, with a different homemade salad dressing for the side salad. I let the staff choose for me both times, and I was happy I did.

This little funky artsy diner place rules. My bf brought me here the first time when I was beyond hung over on a day we had taken off of work. We pretty much had the place to ourselves and took our time downing multiple coffees and bottles of water. When it’s busy on weekends, the services can be a little off and I definitely think the food was better when we came on a weekday.
But anyways, the Eggy Platter sandwich is pretty much the perfect egg sandwich on whole grain toast. The potatoes that come with are really good too. The Green Eggs & Ham was also really tasty and a fun dish, loaded up with greens. I liked it even better with chorizo instead of ham, which adds a little spice and depth, but doesn’t make for as cutesy of a name. I pretty much could eat those two things every weekend forever.
Cash only.

WOW. best hangover cure food. this place is as fantastic as everyone is raving, i’m definitely going back soon. the vibe is super relaxed but the food is first class. the prices are great too. i had the chili omelette (soooo delicious) and my friend had the green eggs and soy sausage. the home fries were perfection.
there is one caveat that keeps this place from getting 5 stars — no AC right now, so while the summer humidity lingers it makes for a somewhat uncomfortable brunch. that said, order the sweet tea w/​ginger to cool yourself down instead. CASH ONLY.

Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.
Went here with my awesome cousin and he said that on slow days the owner (retired NYFD) hangs out and celebrates with everyone.
It was busy when we went, and every single thing we ordered was out of control delicious.
Mac n Cheese (we added bacon) Best I’ve had in years.
Burgers with eggs on them– nuff said
Light plates, cheap plates, malt waffles, pb&j sandwiches, salty waitresses.
The layout is sort of weird and it can be hard to have large groups here.
I believe they are cash only.
Yes Please, More Please

After more than seventy visits to Wally’s, I am going to go out on a limb and make the claim that I am an expert on this place.
Wally’s has come a long way from when they first opened. They do an excellent job of making comfort food and their core staff are very friendly and helpful.
They offer good breakfast and lunch-​type choices for vegetarians as well as carnivores and what they prepare has great flavor and value for price. Coffee is still very good. Baked good choices are very limited, but the chocolate chip cookies seem to please.
If you have some overhead on your cholesterol numbers then you can
definitely go for the Breakfast Burger. Delicious!
One thing to know about my reviews. A four star rating for a comfort food diner is as high as it will go, actually beyond what I would let myself rate. Considering what a five star experience in dining is, I really think three stars is and outstanding rating for a diner, but Wally’s does hold a special place in my heart, hence the added star.

Oh crap. I thought Wally’s was a coffee shop. And they kinda are, but mostly they’re a diner. This means that the search for a good working-​coffee shop in Clinton Hill/​Fort Greene must continue! But that’s never a bad thing.
I came to Wally’s the other day and got an absolutely delicious iced Americano to go, so I thought I would come back today and do some work. Accustomed to my beloved Cup o Joe in Columbus, I tried to order from the counter, but there is only take-​out counter ordering here (womp, womp!). Anyway, now i am sitting happily at my very own table with my very own iced coffee, wishing I didn’t forget my headphones because it’s LOUD in this diner. However, the good news is, they’re playing the Monkees (love!).
And a note about that: the words to Pleasant Valley Sunday are written on the wall here, but they’re attributed to «Carol Kane.» You all know CAROLE KING wrong that song, yeah? Sigh. Excellent effort though.
I like the location here because it’s on the verge of Pratt and Bed-​Stuy, but isn’t infested with annoying undergrad art students (well, at least not yet. It’s still August). The service is really attentive, and they make some excellent coffee. I’d be up for trying their breakfast sometime, but I’ll have to drag someone other than my cousin with me, as the options here are very traditional diner food, and don’t appear to have choices for people who, like my cousin, are allergic to everything (gluten, eggs, etc).

I love this place. It’s consistently good food. They just introduced garlic french fries with fresh garlic and parsley. It’s the perfect compliment to their out of this world burgers.
My favorites:
Bonga
The Eggy Platter
Iced Tea
Latte
Dirty Chai
The staff and the owners are really good people and add to their good food.
You can’t go wrong with Wally’s. I’m always with a book and/​or my journal and good food and life is good.
Enjoy!!!

I have been to Wally’s several times and tried several different items off the menu. The paninis are usually pretty good, as I’ve had a number of them, and they come with a salad and chips. The hot dog and hamburgers are decent, just regular food fare. The chili wasn’t bad but didn’t quite do it for me.
The owner is very friendly and the place does get packed, cause it’s a pretty cool hang out joint. The only caveat is that the service is a little slow, and doesn’t matter whether you eat in or take out. Aside from that, it’s a great place to come in try out.

I don’t know about the bad reviews on here. maybe they just had a few off days, but I’ve always had a nice experience here. Sometimes you get a waitress that isn’t over the top amazing, but it’s such a laid back spot that you can’t really get upset over that stuff. Plus they have free wifi.
It’s become a regular spot for us not just for breakfast, but lunch too. Both menus are awesome. Just good, simple, food that you’re too lazy to make yourself. I think they used powdered chai in their lattes, but that doesn’t stop me from ordering a huge dirty chai every time I go, it’s so yummy!
They also deliver, which is great when you’re too lazy to make yourself breakfast or even crawl your drunk ass out of bed.
Everything I’ve had here has been awesome & at least half of the staff is super friendly & welcoming, especially the owner who slid us a free plate of cookies one day when he realized we were becoming regulars. How can you hate that?! Much love for these guys.
I’ll upload photos of what we ate too, so check those out.
PS: Oh yea, they also have veggie burgers & soy dogs if you vegans need to sub something out.

I would probably punch someone in the face for their chocolate chip cookies. I mean that in all seriousness. The rest of the food is decent as well and the service is always friendly — um, because I’m friends with one of the employees, so I’m completely biased.
But the most important thing is cookies. COOKIES, people. They even come with whipped cream! Cookies. Cookies so good I would kick your mother in the face to get to them.

Really nice, eclectic-​retro, breakfast all-​day, joint. The wait time can sometimes be considerable but the quality and taste of the food is well worth the wait. The price is decent & there is also free wi-​fi for your Internet surfing needs (just ask the waitress for the login information). All in all it’s a great place to dine and well worth repeat patronage.
Note: This place only accepts cash. No credit or debit cards are allowed.