Abner’s Sea Side Crab House

A few weeks after moving to the DC region, my husband and I decided to make a trip out to Chesapeake Beach just for the crab and the experience. On our first try, we got lost in DC and never found the correct freeway to get to the beach – 3 hours wasted! Second try– same deal. Finally, we got smart phones and figured out how to get East of DC. The following is our 100% factual experience.
When we pulled into the dirt parking lot of Abner’s Crab House, I could tell my husband was already re-​thinking the our restaurant choice. The décor from the outside looks rustic and authentic so I talked him into getting lunch at Abner’s (we’re new to the East coast and just HAD to try some crabs…).
We were seated outside near a tributary and some trash cans that were swarming with flies and smelled much worse than low-​tide. There was one other table of people outside near us. At this point, I revealed to my husband that on the East Coast, people straight up crack and eat whole crabs (this offended his Mid-​Western sensibilities) and he ordered a crab-​cake sandwich.
I ordered 6 whole crabs and our waitress taught me how to smash them with a mallot,“remove their lungs”, and eat the meat. I was feeling VERY cave-​woman at this point. Husband’s face? Priceless. The food was nothing special to me, it was a new experience to eat crabs this way but I could not get over the smell of the trash cans and the flies.
About half-​way through our meal, the most surreal and bizarre thing happened. A little boy and his mother brought out a karaōke machine, set it up about 4 feet from us, and the mother started belting into the microphone. Since it was far too loud for me to hear my own thoughts, let alone speak with my husband: I continued my crab-​smashing/​lung removing lunch in silence.
The next thing we know, the little boy puts on a top-​hat and starts singing and dancing to several Michael Jackson songs. The performance was complete with crotch-​grabs and moon-​walking. Remember there was ONE other table of people sitting outside… Weirdest. Day. Ever.