Rock-N-Roll McDonalds Pt I

McDonalds is the Place to Rock
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McDonalds is the place to rock
It is a restaurant where they buy food to eat
Rock and roll McDonalds
«McDonalds will make you fat
They serve Big Macs
They serve Quarter Pounders
They will put pounds on you»
— Wesley Willis
The country that brought us the light bulb, the airplane, and baseball brings a new sensation to the table: fast food. It comes as no shock that McDonalds, one of the first restaurants to combine popular culture with dining was savvy enough to theme their flagship location in Chicago, Illinois after a sound that hit the world harder than Hiroshima: rock and roll. Only McDonalds, a worldwide hit as popular as Mohammed Ali or Bono, could pull off naming a location after a musical genre. The world will unlikely see a ‘Punk Burger King’ or a ‘Jazz Jack in the Box’ anytime soon, although, it may give more incentive to eat there if Jack was playing saxophone.
Rock-​N-​Roll McDonalds, located in the heart of touristy Chicago or ‘Magnificent Mile’ as it is known, most likely for the sheer volume of places represented is home to some of the greatest tour traps American culture has to offer including Hard Rock Café and Rainforest Café, both which border McDonalds and all three are on enough steroids to be featured on the Las Vegas Strip. None appear to rival each other though. Instead they seem compatible enough to be a family of three brothers, thriving in their own kitschy ways. The recently renovated heap of a fast-​food joint has been compared to a space ship, seen as a place to film 1950’s b-​movies, and known as the grotesque shrine of fast food. Clearly, Rock-​N-​Roll McDonalds is a modern landmark.
The embellishing bronze sculptures found on the roomy patio compliment the prominent golden arches that symbolize fast food in the way the Eiffel tower symbolizes Paris. The Renaissance man Michelangelo (1475 – 1564) decorated the roof of the Sistine Chapel part of which is famously remembered for emphatically portraying the hand of God reaching out to give life to Adam, the first man ever created. A bronze statuette in front of the Rock-​N-​Roll McDonalds garnishes the benevolent Ronald McDonald as the skilled unicyclist able to administer a high-​five to a toddler on a tricycle, a lifetime McSomething consumer is born. The next statute shows a multi-​cultural interaction between Pelé, (the Michael Jordan of soccer) and an all-​American housewife. The woman admires the Brazilian legend while he is busy looking off into the distance as if to say, «Now that I’ve been satisfied by a Quarter Pounder with cheese, I never need to score a goal again!» Further north from the heroic soccer player a young boy is pulling on his mummy’s trousers, «I want a McMcMcMc-​uhhhh Mommmmie!» the mother’s copper-​coated face smiles down at her cemented son, assuring him he will soon be ingesting anti-​sustenance for his developing body. Last but not least, a gardener with wing-​tipped shoes stoically grasps a spouting hose while looking incredibly pleased to do so. The contented faces on all the statues shine with appreciation to be situated in front of a McDonalds, especially one of this caliber.
Upon entry through the massive automatic doors, the McDonalds visitor is instantly bombarded with crystal clear flat screen TV’s that show strictly commercials. Upbeat disco music illuminates through distant speakers. The music, although quite fun, does not synch up with the on-​screen commercial playing on too many TV’s to count through the restaurant. In the commercial, a man is dancing through his morning routine: shower, breakfast, and putting on his suite for work. As idealistic as an Ayn Rand character, all this shaking, rattling and rolling of the dancing man stems from the delight he gains over a sip of Coca-​Cola. Synchronized or not, advertising in general is what allowed McDonalds to create the international standard of fast food it embodies by reaming absolutely simple. Simplicity for McDonalds is staying within the happy meal box.
The kitchen (if the word kitchen has overextended itself to include that of a fast-​food place’s cooking facility) is located on the starker ground level. This processing center is a Frankenstein like creation that chops out massive amounts of food in light speed compared to a home-​cooked meal and sends the somewhat fresh food to holding cells where it waits to be paid for like a prostitute before it is eaten. Not too far away stand the employees (aka McRista’s who have graduated from Hamburger University) who wait patently to put in an order of the many delightful treats highlighted above them on the extensive menu that includes everything from salads, to chicken, to fish. On the wall next to the menu is a collection of accomplishments the city of Chicago made a many Midwesterner proud to claim. This colorful list includes the Chicago’s Great Ferris Wheel of 1893, the first Ferris wheel to be erected (cont below)