Surprise Oprah! A Farewell Spectacular

In the late night hours after «Surprise Oprah! A Farewell Spectacular», my friends texted me, «How was it!!!»
My reply…
«I just got back from the taping of Oprah’s last shows! It was AMAZING! She gave everyone an iPad, a new car, angel wings, 5 lbs of crystal meth, and a mountain lion!!!»
Well, those of us who were there, know that didn’t really happen, but it could have. All I have to say is that it was truly a spectacular night full of celebrities & surprise performances!
Seriously, EVERYONE and their grandma was there. Just about every celebrity was in attendance. Just look at their Twitter feed. Yeah, that’s right, not one celebrity was on Twitter because they were all at «Surprise Oprah! A Farewell Spectacular!» Well, maybe not EVERY celebrity was there, just the A List celebrities that mattered.
I could tell you EVERYTHING that happened that night, but I don’t want to ruin it for you. Besides, you’re going to watch it all on television anyway, so what’s the point of me spoiling the whole thing for you. Instead, I’ll leave you with my tweets from my night behind the scenes at «Surprise Oprah! A Farewell Spectacular!».
06:31pm: I checked in at United Center (1901 W Madison St) on #Yelp
06:41pm: Chillin with my peeps from ABC. Thanks for the invite, Gayle. I still can’t believe that your BFF had the Bulls move their game to tomorrow!
07:00pm: Just ran into Tyler Perry & Dave Chappelle. #BehindTheScenes
07:01pm: Dave Chappelle’s skinny a$$ needs to eat a sandwich. #RealTalk
07:12pm: Oh snap! Jay-Z’s ugly mug & Beyonce’s big a$$ are here too!
07:35pm: Rosie O’Donnell… I like her… she just told me that I’m beautiful.
07:40pm: Tom Hanks looks old as fu¢k. I’m not just saying that cuz I’m beautiful. He looks like he farts dust.
07:50pm: I wonder how crazy Tom Cruise is gonna get. Some industry peeps are taking bets on whether he’ll throw his own fecal matter on stage or not.
07:53pm: Madonna is here too. Hmmm… I wonder if her daughter is 18 yet. #DjManwhore
08:01pm: Dave Chappelle killed all the grape drink they had backstage. He’s lucky Oprah is busy filming her last shows right now.
08:04pm: I’m glad Beyonce’s performance went well. I wasn’t too sure what would happen based on what I heard about the sound check.
08:14pm: Never mind… they’re doing Beyonce’s performance over again. It’s all good. I don’t mind watching her big a$$ in that tuxedo outfit again.
08:21pm: The United Center is jukin right now. It’s like they gave Oprah’s fans free lines of coke at the door.
08:25pm: Simon Cowell thinks he’s a bada$$ cuz all the guests checked in at The Peninsula under aliases & he’s the only one to use his real name. LOL
08:31pm: Oprah’s final taping fell on #BigGirlAppreciationDay. Coincidence? I think not.
08:36pm: I may have misunderstood what Diane Sawyer just said, but I could swear that she just compared Oprah to god. #OprahIsBlackJesus
08:42pm: If Michael Jackson moonwalks his a$$ onto the stage at The United Center & hugs Oprah, I’ll be convinced that #OprahIsBlackJesus.
08:49pm: Forget about Katie Holmes & Halle Berry. Queen Latifah is here! I’m going home with her tonight! #RealTalk #BigGirlAppreciationDay
08:59pm: Some cougar just said, «Michael Jordan is here». Her much younger «assistant» looked up from his phone & said, «Who is Michael Jordan?» #SMH
09:07pm: Round 1… FINISHED. $hit is crazy, son! I was just told about the couple that got engaged during the crowd warmup! #WhoDoesThat?
09:23pm: The plumbing here is gonna get all fu¢ked up when all these crazy Oprah fans stampede for the bathrooms at the same time.
09:36pm: «Tupac & Biggie are supposed to be on the 2^nd taping.» You are a liar, Dave Chappelle. Go eat a sandwich! RAAAAAHHHHH!!!
09:50pm: Stevie Wonder, Will Smith, Jerry Seinfeld. Guess which one looks tired from banging Jada Pinkett in different parts of The United Center.
10:09pm: IDK about Dr Oz. He says «Do this if you wanna look young» but he looks like he’s 80! #WhatsReallyGoingOn?
10:31pm: I just saw Antoine Dodson. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Numa Numa guy & the Chocolate Rain guy were here to bid farewell to Oprah too. LOL
10:47pm: Sorry, Queen Latifah, I’m leaving with Alicia Keys tonight. #SwizzBeatsWho?
11:03pm: If Stedman proposes to Oprah at The United Center, there is gonna be a riot, and Gayle is gonna be the one to start it.
11:04pm: I checked in at United Center (1901 W Madison St) on #Yelp
11:31pm: That’s a wrap!
11:40pm: Kinda disappointed… I was hoping that Oprah & Gayle would make out at the end. #JustSayin
Holla!!!™