Stacks Deli

In college, there was a coffee shop that I frequented where the barista would opine that there were three types of customers that were almost always a pain in the neck to serve:
–old people,
–vegetarians, and
–gay people.
He used to like to point out that I was ²⁄₃.
Godwilling, I hope to hit the trifecta some day.
Which is to say that I know my regular order at Stacks Deli is a nuisance of a magnitude that the little smiley face I like to draw on the bottom of my order cannot begin to counteract.
(They’ve got this system where, instead of talking to an actual person, they want you to just write down your order on a little slip of paper with a golf pencil. The idea is they can take customers more quickly that way when things get backed up.
…well, faster, that is, until someone like me comes along. You should see the frowns of defeat and bewilderment that greet my little slip of paper.)
(For the record, and in case you want to see the frowns of defeat and bewilderment for yourself, my order is
–a Mediterranean sandwich,
–on their awesome panini bread, with
–no crème cucumber and
–no feta cheese, but
–with extra humus instead.
All finished up with a «thanks!» and a smiley face, in an ill-​fated attempt to demonstrate that I am not *that kind* of uppity customer, despite the fact that it is totally clear from the length and complexity of my order EXACTLY what sort of customer I am.)
But, in my defense, Stacks is pretty vexing, too. Like, the way they close up shop whenever-​the-​hell-​they-​feel-​like-​it. Not as bad as the Greek place in Ackerman, which I think is actually only open in Greek myth, but not reliable enough that you should ever get your hopes up for the prospect of a sandwich.
There is one saving grace — a super-​cute vegan girl who knows precisely what I want and slathers the hummus on thick. I don’t even have to bother with the golf pencil.
So, for the time being, we’ve struck a sort of truce: I live in hope that she will be working, and for the time being, the rest of them put up with my absurd order.
But heaven help them when I get old, too.