Potholes

Seeing as these potholes do their job really well, i.e. being huge holes in the road, I couldn’t deny them their congratulatory 5 stars.

The potholes in South Minneapolis caused me to have an accident on my scooter (Buddy — 125cc) this season.
While driving over to a friend’s house on a Tuesday evening, I came upon an intersection that had a 50 foot STRETCH of potholes, gravel, and debris. Narrowly missing one of them, I hit the next one, and got bucked off my bike. I ended up five feet in front of my scooter, looking back at it. Somehow, I stood up, righted my bike, killed the engine, and did a quick inspection of both my person and my vehicle. All systems go, and I was two blocks from my friend’s house, so I hopped on and drove over.
Thankfully, my friend knows a fair bit about the human body, so he got me set up with ice packs, ibuprofen, and bandaids. I’m not 100% sure how the only place I broke my skin was on my right thumb, but I’m not complaining.
The next day, I went back to the intersection to survey the accident scene. My scooter slid about 15 feet on the pavement — seriously, there are drag marks. Since I ended up looking back at the scooter, that means I slid about 20 feet.
One doctor visit, two sets of x-​rays, and two trips to Scooterville later: no broken bones, A LOT of bruising, a snapped brake handle, and a bent front tire. I can live with that. It’s pushing three weeks, and Scooterville has yet to return my scooter to me, but that’s a different story altogether…
Hey, City of Minneapolis: get out there and fill in those holes in our streets! Take a look at 36^th and Oakland while you’re out there. It’s nasty.

dear potholes. you are so uncool. but hey, you give us something to b*tch about every time we drive around out otherwise lovely neighborhood.

I wish I could give the potholes of Minneapolis 0.1 star. It’s true that they run rampant throughout the Twin Cities… sneaking up on you when you least expect it and pulling you down with them. I was singing along to one of my favorite tunes the other day, when a pothole came out of nowhere. Needless to say, my vocals were interrupted and tires bruised. Let’s rid the city of this nuisance.

This year’s potholes have more than earned the right to my first ever one star Unilocal rating… including the requisite «If I could give this less than one star I would!»!
HOLEY CRAP!!! (sic)
On a good note, while the streets are bringing slow death to my automobiles from below, the Luce Line bike trail appears to be well patched already… much to my surprise!

Dear potholes,
When I’m riding the bus in and out of Minneapolis for work, I feel like you’re punishing me. The large bus and all those tires don’t stand a chance. What did I do to you?
The earth’s core should stay in the core. I mean, this isn’t the second season of Supernatural where we have people trying to open a gate to hell. I’m perfectly content keeping the core intact.
Thanks for the offer, but I prefer only experiencing the surface. I’m shallow. Unlike you.
Sincerely,
A yuppie bus rider.

Nothing like having to do the slalom to get to your driveway.
I almost want to give this year’s potholes 5 stars just for being so epic in their enormity. Just off the 11^th St exit, there are potholes that are quite literally 3 feet long and almost a foot wide. Never mind driving, it’s like playing hopscotch just trying to cross the street on foot.
Oh yeah, and bicycles. Swerve to avoid potholes, swerve to avoid bikes avoiding potholes. We might as well just make the lines down the road into squiggles.
Maybe the city is playing a numbers game. There are only 4,953 members of the «Hey Minneapolis, fix your potholes» Facebook page. Being less than 0.02% of the city’s population, clearly that’s not enough interest for them to take any action.
BRB, off to blow a tire.

I must say that I’ve been to 3^rd world countries with better paved roads than minnesota. My daily commute home always gives me a headache from my brain rattling in my head after being shaken about by all the potholes.
Thank god I got rid of my lowered car with low profile tires and 19 inch rims when I moved here or pothole season cold have gotten really expensive. I have aspirations of becoming a pothole vigilante and filling them all up with bags of pebbles at night when no one is looking. That’s what they do down in costa rica anyhow!

$ 200 tire, 2 months old, busted sidewall due to pothole. Why the heck don’t we use concrete? I realize it’s more expensive in the short term but are we really that short sighted???

Cruisin down the street, windows down, music up. The sun is finally shining and the weather is great! I gear up and accelerate away from the stop light and the next things I know I’m on the side of the road staring at the pothole that swallowed my tire.
It was so deep I had to call a tow truck to get my car out of it.
I hit it so hard that I had to see a chiropracter.
But have no fear my fellow Minnesotans, the city of MInneapolis STILL hasn’t filled it! So hopefully you can be one of the lucky ones that gets their car swallowed by this sinkhole in the middle of the road.
New rim & tire: $ 385
Chiropracter Fee: $ 120
Knowing the MnDot isn’t going to fill any of them? Priceless.

My car would like to have a few words with you, Minneapolis potholes.
«Dear potholes (cc: the City of Minneapolis),
Why you gotta bully my tires? You know they are defenseless against your jagged edges. In fact, one of them actually exploded on 94 this year after you punched it in the face on Lyndale. And my poor, poor alignment, it goes to bed crying every night from December to June because you incessantly taunt it.
Do you kiss your mother with that pot-​ty mouth?
Sincerely disappointed in your behavior,
Annie D.‘s car»