Guy’s Burger Joint

If this is «Flavor Town,» then its Mayor was likely diagnosed with parageusia…
It’s blatantly obvious now that Guy has been riding the wave of his success with a mantra of «If you build it, they will come» vs building a quality product that keeps you coming back for more (which is a shame as he’s defecating on his brand as a result). Formula appears to be similar to the plethora of mediocrity surrounding the immediate vicinity of the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk (you locals know what I mean), i.e.; «Let’s open a biz that sells a thoroughly adequate product in an extremely high traffic area for an absurdly inflated price.» Who gives a rats ass about quality when the turnover is high & as Richard Gere so eloquently stated in An Officer & a Gentleman, «You’ve got nowhere else to go…»
1. Tourists galore (in this case, 10’s of Thousands of hungry fans at this venue)
2. Options are limited (Let’s go w/​a face I «Trust»). Damn You Triple D!
3. Marketing buzz words plastered across the tooootally riiiiiighteous menu like «L.T.O.P,» «Donkey Sauce» or «S.M.C»
4. Top this off with a «Seal of Approval» from the owner himself, hinting at Quality Control, i.e.:
«The key to a great burger is quality ingredients cooked the right way & supported by a tasty cast of characters.» — Guy Fieri
For #4, maybe the reason why the Cast of Characters is so tasty is due to the workers extracting all the flavor from the burgers via osmosis? I honestly can’t think of any other logical explanation? Maybe better gloves to keep the flavor in the patty vs absorbed/​circulating within the bloodstream of the crew? I pray that Hannibal Lecter doesn’t get wind of this place…
Rather than continue on with my tangent or go into further detail as to why this was by far the worst burger I’ve ever eaten in my entire life (I’m talking, even when comparing to mass produced/​packaged/​frozen or even from a «Kiss the Cook, Apron draped» family picnic where I’m piecing the damn thing together myself), I felt it my civic duty to pick up my virtual pen & immediately notify the masses…
A shame that after a several month Unilocal Review Hiatus that it came down to this, but Guy’s trip to «Flavor Town» during my recent amazing visit to the Shoreline «Oddball Comedy Fest,» left me wanting to take the first «Plane, Train or Automobile» & get the F*** out of Dodge…