Queens Central Booking Unit

The drinks tasted like piss, for some strange reason. The sex however is awesome.

This place is a joke, if you want answers best believe your not getting it here, the cops in queens are so judgmental that they falsely arrested someone close to me, when i got to this dump the lady had a attitude ! me: ms can i receive some information about this person? lady: well if his name is not on the list you have to wait a hour to see if his name comes up later, me: you got to be kidding me? you want me to wait a hour to see if his name comes up when you could just tell me if hes here or not? how about you do your job like they are paying you to! Long story short she told me he was at central in Brooklyn but really he was at queens ! don’t bother with trying to get anything accomplish here, they are lazy and arrogant.

I think if every person who was processed through this place, saved their shits, and took a nice big dump in front of the judge, they would install better bathrooms.
Went up there, my lawyer was standing about 20 feet from me. The judge read something, I yelled guilty, he read something else, and out I was. LIKE A MUTHAFUCKING BOSS! Even the security guard was thinking «this nigga on some next level shit» Bitch, I is the next level.

It wasn’t very crowded when I went. Got right in no problem. Wished they had more seating though. The guards were pretty nice. But the bathrooms left a lot to be desired.

This place sucks donkey balls. I had the unfortunate opportunity to spend 32 hours in this dump and let me tell you, it was no picnic. it’s not the non working toilets, overcrowded rooms and general aura of failure, it’s the individuals you share your time with in the cell. These cretins who know each others names already, those that know the officers names and they know them in return. How do these animals walk the streets after they get out is beyond me.
Let it be known that I have made up my mind to never visit this dump ever again. To have it located on queens blvd is disgrace to all people who are granted with a gift of vision. This establishment would be perfectly suited next to Shea stadium, replacing the junkyard that is there now.
Stay away at all cost!

all in all, as jails go, queens central booking was not the worst i’ve ever gone through.
being chauffered in a luxurious crown vic, i arrived at the side door just in time to see a long line of celebrities and debutantes parade into this magnificent epitome of institutional architecture. the sheer excitement that coursed through my veins brought a shiver to my spine and a rapid girding of my loins. i was in the midst of greatness. true, unadulterated greatness.
i was ushered through the front room where i was graciously greeted by the meticulously uniformed staff. kind words and accolades every step of the way. i could tell right then and there that this was going to be a special stay.
once my reservation was processed, i was shown to my accommodations. i have never seen anything so welcoming and bowel-​loosening relaxing. the other guests were friendly and very willing to share the copious space throughout our high-​ceilinged room. Bright and airy with an entire wall of fine iron lattice-​work, i was pleasantly surprised to find the rustic bathroom was right there for our use. there would be no running down a long hallway or having to open a pesky door when the need arose. oh no, nothing as philistine as that.
and the food… oh the glorious, delicious spread that was laid before us. i salivate at the memory. my stomach churns for the delicious prospect of skim milk and bran cereal for breakfast… skim milk and bologna on oat bran bread for lunch… and dinner, let me just say dinner was a epicurean delight that still brings tears to my eyes. meat loaf so grey and bouncy served with the fluffiest most processed white rice that even wolfgang puck would have sucked dick for a second helping. now let me just explain the meat loaf. it was meat. all kinds of meat. but mostly the kind of meat that you would run from were it still alive.
all in all, i had a wonderful experience here and truly look forward to going back in say, five to ten.