Tony Coach

Just bad. Random weird stops. Craziness. Just. Don’t do it to yourself unless of course you are forced by gun point or against your will some how…

Tony Coach is the most horrible bus I’ve ever experienced. I don’t say this lightly. I am a student and on a tight budget and decided to take Tony Coach because it picks up on Foggy Bottom (where I go to school) and was the cheapest option to NY.
The first couple times I took Tony Coach there were no abnormal problems other than the bus stinking to high heaven and the people riding it being less than normal. The drivers didn’t speak any English (which I was actually okay with), but it made it difficult when there were problems.
Some persistent complaints that I experienced all 6 times I took Tony Coach:
— playing LOUD chinese movies during the ride so you can’t sleep unless you have ear plugs or head phones… not fun for studying.
— smelled awful!
— seats broken so they didn’t work properly
— refusal by the drivers to drive the people on the bus from Chinatown DC to the Foggy Bottom stop that was listed on the itinerary — so we had to get off and take the metro?!
— bus sometimes just doesn’t show up so you have to try to call and deal with them — don’t speak English on phone either
— stops in Baltimore — not horrible but sometimes takes a ton of time and a ton of people get on
— sometimes reading lights don’t work
Aside from these things, I continued to take Tony Coach… not sure why — probably just convenience.
Then I had a couple REALLY bad incidents:
1) the driver hit a curb while he was driving crazy and about an hour later the tire blew out — we sat on the NJ turnpike for two additional hours while someone fixed this…
2) when it was 10 degrees out the bus was 1.5 hours late in NY, leaving us out in the cold (we were told to wait, rather than to come back) THEN — no heat! I hadn’t brought that big of a coat, thinking the bus would have heat… oops, my mistake to assume a bus would have heat on a 5 hour drive in the winter… thought I would die! There were a couple small riots that broke out in the front of the bus causing the driver to pull over and try to operate the heat — no luck.
ONLY PROS:
— cheap
— drops off in Foggy Bottom sometimes which is convenient if you live around there
— fast bus, at the expense of your safety sometimes (85 mph on the turnpike)
Then I talked to some friends who asked «Why would you ever take Tony, its the worst line!?» Well obviously I had discovered that by now — so I decided to take Bolt Bus — supposedly the best.
My first experience on Bolt was amazing. Wireless internet, power outlets, drivers who speak English, safety measures, heat, smells good, hand sanitizer in bathroom!!, safe and uniform loading process. Only downside is that if you don’t buy your ticket well in advance (a few weeks) the prices are a lot higher — average of maybe $ 18 per way… but if you buy months ahead — you can get a $ 1 one way ticket! Only down side — can’t change ticket. Megabus will let you apparently, but no outlets and wireless is spotty. Also both of these pick up at Metro Center which is also fairly convenient.
I complained to Tony — no response or result. Moral of the story = don’t take Tony under any circumstances.

I read Ethan’s review before purchasing a ticket to DC on Vamoose and chose this instead, hoping to witness a raucous sketchfest that would yield some funny stories I could tell at various awkward graduation parties back home. Oh, I was also slightly swayed by the fact that my round trip ticket cost $ 27 (a little more than a one-​way would cost on Vamoose, which is also very reliable and good).
Sadly, on my voyage, there were no tales of D-​list movies, unforeseen detours, or indiscriminate yelling to relate. The bus was 10 minutes late (aka, right on time in my book) and arrived in DC thirty minutes after the time on my ticket (aka, way earlier than I would have expected for a Chinatown bus).
Nothing to report: the driver was great, I had room to put my feet up, and yeah, I made it home and back for about the same number of dollas that my friend spent on dinner at TGI Friday’s. Recommended? Absolutely yes.
UPDATE
Tony wins bonus points for several reasons:
I was two (yup, 2) minutes late for Tony Coach, saw it three blocks away and ran for it, ten dollar bill and ticket in hand. I caught it at a stop light and they let me on.
I took Bolt Bus once, and it was an hour and a half late, the bus drivers were confused about who was going where, and the bus picks you up in the least appealing section of 6^th avenue. Not cool. Also, $ 23.

I planned on taking the Apex bus but then stumbled upon this hole in the wall on Chrystie st. and decided to give it a try. The bus out front was brand spanking new and I could see flat panel tv’s inside the bus, so why not?
Now comes the good part; have you seen the movie Black Sheep? No, I am not talking about the one with Chris Farley, I’m talking about the one where killer sheep wreck havoc on the human race. If you have seen it (or even if you haven’t), imagine watching it 4 times in a row with the volume jacked up! I’m not sure how it didn’t sweep the Oscars. Anyway, imagine watching the movie on infinite loop and having a Chinese man shout what seemed to be death threats into his cell phone every 15 minutes and you would have an idea about the bus ride.
But I digress. The service was actually good and the bus was the nicest of it’s kind that I’ve been on. Besides a little detour into a vacant mall parking lot on our way to DC where we dropped off 4 Chinese men who then proceeded to remove massive amounts of power tools from the luggage compartment and some duffle bags, the ride was smooth. On the way back, the heater was cranked almost to the boiling point and the bus driver didn’t speak English, but besides that it was alright.
The bus ride was 4 ½ hrs going there and 5 hours coming back. I would give it 3 stars if it weren’t for the hilarity of looking back on the ride that was.