Union Square Allergy Care

It might sound like I’m kidding, but for years and years I’ve been plagued with all sorts of wonky ups and downs courtesy of this meat suit I wear around my central nervous system. Some of the many feelings I’ve encountered since I was in high school included:
+ Lack of energy
+ An unpredictable brian fog
+ Dry eyes
+ A feeling of electricity flowing through my body (and not in the romantic comedy sort of way) whenever I’d eat bread or beer
And a few others I’d rather keep close to the vest. I suppose I just figured this was how everyone felt, but roughly three weeks ago, I felt compelled to seek the advice of an allergist to see if perhaps there was a solution to my nagging symptoms… and lo-​and-​behold, I ran across Dr. Lenny.
I’d always known (and even more so in the last year) that my body didn’t like bread or beer in my system. That doesn’t mean my taste buds didn’t, they just never saw eye-​to-​eye. It was like having a completely toxic relationship with a girl but you couldn’t bring yourself to dump her because she was super attractive. But upon doing a muscle test and various other non-​invasive electronic tests, it turns out I showed varying-​signs of intolerance to darn near every food under the sun:
+ Potatoes
+ Eggplant
+ Tomatoes
+ Eggs
+ American Cheese
+ Red Wine
+ Wheat
+ Corn
+ Rice
+ MSG (pretty sure everyone is)
+ White sugar
And a few others I’m currently forgetting. I think in my depressed state of this learning, I tossed the gray matter wrinkle that held onto this additional info. Well, after several visits to Dr. Lenny’s super welcoming office… and so far, it seems that through some hocus pocus German laser technology, I’ve felt better than I have in recent memory. For all I know, my body was fed the most potent placebo that’s ever existed, but whatever he did… I can drink beer again without feeling like my cells would explode, and for the most part, my brain fog that I’d experience daily has retired to the cedar chest. Had I known it’d be so easy to relieve myself of these annoying little signals from my synapses, I’d have seeked out the help of a pro a long time ago. Le sigh.
So wrapping this little bugger in a nice bow, at least at this very moment, I feel like $ 900,000 bucks. I’m a little hungover, otherwise it’d be a full 7-​figures, but that’s not Lenny’s fault. Blame that on Jim Beam and too many chicken fingers…