Dick’s Last Resort

The concept of the restaurant is funny. Waiters and waitresses treat you rudely and make you wear vulgar hats. It will surely keep you laughing to look around and read the hats of others. BUT the food is mediocre and the drinks are extremely over priced.
The crab dip appetizer seemed to be warmed up in the microwave. The shrimp tasted like they came from the frozen food section at the local walmart. Although the chicken fried chicken was good and flavorful, there isn’t much of a variety in regards to the sides. The rib-​eye was fatty and tough to eat.
The drinks are WWWWWAAAAYYYYYYYYYY over priced. We ordered the dosarita and a beer. I didn’t taste margarita at ALL. It’s ice water with a dos equis. Brace yourself… The dosarita was $ 31!!! WTH!!!
If you just want to go for the experience order an appetizer and a water. They’re going to give you hell, but it’s better than them RAPING your pocketbook.

The food was terrible and the waitress was wack! She was timid and didn’t not even attempt to give us a true «dick’s» experience. Not to mention her waitressing skills over all just sucked all around. The food taste like Wal-​mart deli for that had been under the warmer for 8+ hours. I won’t be back ever!!!

Awful food combined with awful service equals a lousy place. This place is inspiration for negative stars. Their signs say sarcasm is their policy but that is different from poor service. I don’t mind sarcasm but it appears the servers do not like what they are dishing out. Poor service and poor food. Do not eat here do not waste your time. This is the only review I have done on Unilocal that’s how bad this place is.

Terrible service at the bar. Place not even busy, ordered a couple drinks, tender was well trained to bark back «doubles» so he could charge $ 25 for 2 weak drinks! Then we couldn’t get his attention to pay the bill, never again.

Waste of money. Overpriced food and drinks. Piss poor service. Place is a dive. I get the theme of the staff being rude as a gimmick but dont let it carry over to doing your job. If I ask for another beer, dont blow me off and ignore me. When I ask for my check, dont blow me off and make me wait 20 minutes just to pay for something I could get at home. Came for the experience and left disappointed. Not a family freindly place either. I dont know why any parent would bring their kids to a shithole like this.

If you’re going for good food, go somewhere else… if you’re going to have a good time this is the place!

The atmosphere is cool. I loved the asshole employees and the location was great. However, WAY over priced for the quality of food and the drinks were WAY watered down.
The food was crap. I spent $ 25 on one drink that seem to have no alcohol in it. I enjoyed it for my 1^st time going and I love the humor the place brings, but if you are looking for good food, or even just decent food, go anywhere but Dicks.

This Dive is rundown & The most overpriced restaurant I’ve ever been too!
I won’t even take the time to talk about the staff, lol because attitude is obviously their cover for serving average food & drink.
Our Bill was $ 157 for 4 people with 1 drink each!
How about a $ 27 40oz. Margarita that was so sour my wife almost gagged & spit out! She complained to the hypersexual server, and asked for a shot of Grand Marnier to make it taste better, or whatever he wanted to do about it. He brought her the shot of Grand Marnier and charged her $ 9.25 + tax for the shot!
So the nasty Margarita cost us $ 40 after Tax!!!
Oh wait, u get to keep the Plastic glass they serve it in!
Food is average, greasy, but ok.
How this Dive stays open on the Riverwalk is beyond comprehension, but the Riverwalk is not as clean as it use to be either so may be this Dive is the standard now.

If you have a very good sense of humor this place is great and really fun to visit! Their will be lots of name calling and cussing so be aware.
Now. With that aside, the food was wayy over priced and very very bland no taste we had 5 people and nobody had a good plate. Then we ordered a Killa Rita and let me tell you, theirs nothing killa about it. It tasted like a huge watered down margarita mix with no alcohol in it. Had to order a shot on the side to go in it and even my shot was watered down cause i tasted it before putting it into the Rita! Then theirs no prices on the rita but when we get the ticket find out it was a $ 30 Rita plus the $ 10 shot. Big big rip off. Then they have the suggested tip amount being 40bux and tells story about last person who didnt tip that amount got cussed out all the way out. Even wrote on our receipt ‘dont be a cheap ass’
Never again… All these other reviews are right on place is disgusting. It was a fun experience but man… At least cook a good food and strong drinks dont rip us off like no other.

I get your shtick, but you should keep you dickishness above the belt. Insulting my girlfriends body type is the type of thing that gets your ass kicked.
I’m sure people love this place for a reason, but no excuse for being a condescending ahole to the nicest person in the world.

Never again… The novelty is crappy service and stupid insults. I guess this is just not for me. The funnest part about this experience for me was the tip…

Loved it! I suggest coming for drinks only — the food is bar style food — well unless that is what you are looking for.

Food only gets 3 stars, but the service with an attitude gets 5.
Drinks. egh
Crabby Balls.. Egh
Crab legs. damn good
Entertainment.. priceless
Watching everyone get joked upon, while they know not who to eff with. fun times!

While I am not sure there is a large slice of Unilocal-​reading people that would also consider patronizing this place, I’ll provide a warning for those who do. Because of the unique atmosphere of this tourist trap restaurant, I won’t really bother commenting on the service, except to say that the waiter managed to forget about us for more than 30 minutes.
I had the fish and chips, if you could call it that. The fish came in a basket liner just sitting in a puddle of grease. Even with some strategic removals, all four pieces were still grease-​logged. The fish itself was rubbery and, dare I say it, crumbly, which led to an altogether unpleasant main dish. The french fries are supposed to be crispy, fluffy, and hot. These were limp, mushy, and tepid. With enough ketchup they were edible, but edible is all.
Also, the age-​old adage, «If you have to ask the price, then it is too expensive» applies to the alcoholic beverages served here. One of the large margaritas ran my friend a cool $ 28, and was at best only ²⁄₃ full.
While I did not make the decision to come here (I was dragged along by friends), I’ll protest coming here more vigorously next time. If it were up to me, there probably wouldn’t be a next time.

Flat out — this is a place that uses it’s novelty for «salty» service as an excuse for a shockingly filthy restaurant, disgusting, overpriced food and service that goes beyond the fun of it being «Dick’s» to outright nasty, lewd and foul.
A few years ago, you could go here and get decent food, drinks and have a good time with your server. Do not go there expecting that now. You’ll walk into a restaurant whose filth isn’t even rivaled by a truck stop bathroom. You will get food that is outrageously priced, inedible and it will literally be thrown down in front of you. If you complain — expect to be loudly ridiculed by your server as well as any other servers who are around and don’t expect anything to be done about your issue. Don’t go in expecting the «salty» service that they used to be known for, as it’s gone from playful to outright sick and lewd. It’s not an entertaining interaction anymore — it’s an uncomfortable feeling that will very likely leave your skin crawling. It’s sleaze to the power of 10.
Save your money and time — skip this place.

If you get off by being humiliated by a dominatrix wanna-​be that looks like Rosie O’Donnell (Jackie), this is the place for you.
If you’re fine with poor food quality and no one ever refilling your drinks because they’re too wrapped up in a «theme» of being dicks and making stupid hats, this is the place for you.
If your stomach says no to all the delicious foods surrounding the area and want frozen, previously fried crap that is re-​fried and brought to you at exorbitant prices, this is the place for you.
Do not bring children or the elderly into this dump. That is all.

This place is awesome! The theme is that they are all dicks — so sarcasm rules the day. The staff is super friendly and rude lol! They make hats for you with funny statements. There was a live band. The only reason for the 3 stars is beause the drinks were watered down and the food was mediocre. I tried the fried alligator. It was decent. Light on the seasoning. I also tried the ribs. The sauce was tasty. The ribs were bland. I’d definitely return for the sarcasm and the fun, but I will just have a glass of water.

Meh is right.
We really needed to duck in for a quick lunch on the Riverwalk. I’d heard about Dick’s but hadn’t been before, so I figured I’d try it out. I thought it’d give us a few laughs to start out our getaway weekend with the family.
It was neither funny nor particularly good, and for that vastly mediocre experience, we were gouged $ 50 for two lunch entrees and two drinks (small beer in a take-​home glass and a watered down Kool-​Aid tasting cocktail that was suggested as a replacement for a frozen peach daiquiri).
Definitely won’t be back. Feeling pretty foolish overall that I suggested this place.

I’d say the Riverwalk location is just another tourist trap. This was my 2^nd time going. The 1^st time, it was fun but the food wasn’t all that great and very expensive for what it was. 2^nd time going was about a year after the 1^st time. It’s fun for the servers to mess with you but they didn’t have enough workers so we couldn’t eat anything but appetizers. Food was still over priced for the size and quality. Drinks were good but not worth the over price as well. I know you’re wondering why did I go back a 2^nd time… lol because people come visit me from out of town and want to experience it.

Best Dick in the chain.
Dick’s used to be a funny cheeky chain, but countless law suits and they have tamed down a lot. As a result the charm is gone. Wait staff can’t call you a «f#ckwad» anymore, they can’t throw your silverware at you, or just spill your drink on purpose.
Are tamed dicks any use… not really.
So most Dick’s are now «Flaccid Last resort».
Most.
This is the only hard dick left.
Granted it is still tamer than it once was when I visited some 10 years ago… but… get there late at night, and for a beer its a fun stop. Food is ok. Ribs aren’t awful and the wings are palatable.
You don’t come here for the food, you come here for a douche bag to wait on you, and in return you are allowed to be a douche bag back.
And that is fun.

This place was okay. I went there randomly as I was by myself in San Antonio to get something to eat. I guess it would be a good place to hang out and have fun with friends.
The food was decent and I had a very good service.