Helmut Lang

So sad to see Helmut Lang go last month.
Its now been replaced by boring-​and-​basic Theory… which is owned by the same company as HL.
SF retail has been a real bummer this season (with an influx of even more larger corporate chains coming in). What’s next – another Gap?

Big wup it’s just like all the other crap, it’s now made in China, the prices are still the same as if it was made in Italy though. Man the profits on a 390 buck sweater that was made with $ 2.00 an hour wages! Sweet!

Definitely love the minimalist look of the store! And of course the serene ambiance of the store is conducive for heavy spending. Helmut Lang is far from the cluttered space of Barneys. If you want to look good and feel tranquility inside you then this is the store for you… no frills just basic clothing for fashion forward homo sapiens like you and me!
Although I have to admit I was a bit disappointed when I noticed that some of the clothing were made in CHINA! For a $ 390 hoodie sweater I expect top caliber craftsmanship from Italy, USA or Japan!
Well I’m sure you know that this is NOT from the German genius Helmut Lang. This is basically a product of up and coming New Yorkers who is just using Helmut Lang’s name and aesthetics.

I got it at Barneys. I got it at Saks. And I got it at Bergdorf.
But now I can get it at this ‘not-​so-​fashion conscious’ town of ours.
Marc Jacobs has always been too chic
Emporio Armani has always been too ‘ready-​to-​wear’
Hugo Boss always been too dark
Theory has always too perfect
Helmut Lang is too chic, well suited for ‘ready-​to-​wear’, dark & PERFECT

I was going to visit my boyfriend, Marc, when I noticed a rival for my affections, Helmut Lang, opened up across the way. At first, I was like, «Meh, Helmut Lang, that’s so nineties Antwerp minimalism,» But then I saw the perfect black leather jacket. Slim cut, collarless, asymmetrical lapels, perfect tailoring. The salesguy noticed my face lighting up outside, so he took it off the rack and enthusiastically waved me in. Note: I was in my gym clothes, so I wasn’t looking particularly chic or expensive. Although the price tag was high ($ 895), it wasn’t nearly as much as I thought it would be. I took a look at some of the other pieces, which from the window, just looked like a bunch of black clothes, but some of the details were amazing. Not Galliano pirate flashy, but subtle understatements. Helmut, although you don’t have much of a color palette, I just might give you a chance. If you have as amazing sales as Marc across the street, I’ll add another star.
If Alexander McQueen opens up here, I’m in trouble.

I almost burst into tears of joy when I heard that my boyfriend was opening a store in San Francisco. OK, Helmut’s not my boyfriend but he should know that I am a size ³⁸⁄₄₀ (real boyfriend, take note!) and currently accepting gifts. My prized possession is my favorite Helmut Lang coat. Oh, how I love that coat. It’s simply DIVINE. And warm. And sexy as all hell. I am looking to add another to my collection in the near future so a trip over to the new store was justified and kind of necessary.
The new store is AMAZING and expansive. The architecture and ambiance complement the clean, minimalist designs for which my boyfriend… er, Helmut is known. I can’t afford to shop here regularly anymore but I can afford to wander around the store like a zombie, slackjawed and drooling. I am having erotic urges just writing this review. So I’ll stop. If you haven’t been, go. NOW. This is a sure sign that our fair city is coming up in the world. And I’m excited.

Do you remember Helmut Lang?
He was a suave Austrian designer who looked like Vigo from Ghostbusters II and minimalized the fashion world with his clean lines, subdued palette, astronaut jackets lifted from Kubrick’s 2001, fitted coats, and use of «high-​tech» fabrics such as reflective tape. Basically, space age hooker from Berchtesgaden.
«Oh fuck you, Darin. People who speak German aren’t fashionable.»
Well that’s where you’re wrong! People who speak German CAN be fashionable, too. It’s not ALL leiderhosen and hairy pits and birkenstocks and stromtroopers in drag and the leather daddy from the Village People singing the Deustchlandlied!
In fact, when I first heard of HL I remember thinking: well, it’s about fucking time an Austrian did something GOOD for a change. I mean, the LAST Austrian who took the world by storm was, to be diplomatic, a HUGE FUCKING ASSHOLE. It was so bad, everytime I heard «wie gehts?» I grasped for my glock and gold boullion.
Unfortunately, the Helmut Lang of today is not the Helmut Lang of yesterday. No, the REAL Helmut Lang is retired and living the sweet and honeyed WASP life in East Hampton surrounded by hung cabana boys and Jaegermeister. Yup, his label lives on without him.
Who’s to blame for this? Fucking Prada, that’s who.
See, Prada enterered into a partnership with HL in 1999 and bought the company outright in 2004. Helmut left soon after, in 2005. This either means the Chairman of Prada Patrizio Bertelli has, like, a fucking DEATH WISH for German designers (Jil Sander and Helmut Lang both lost their labels to him) OR he’s the King Midas of Scat and everything he touches turns to SHIT. I tell you what, if I ever find out Patrizio is interested in acquiring MY company, I’ll throw myself in front of a speeding 38 Geary since death will come quicker that way. I have no fucking idea what Miuccia sees in him; he looks like Marcello Mastroianni with white hair and a second chin — maybe the sex is still good?
Anyway, the HL label was bought by Link Theory, a Japanese firm responsible for the Theory line of overpriced basics with the REVOLUTIONARY addition of spandex and lycra — basically, Banana Republic +$ 100. (Holy shit! I had no idea my shirt could actually stretch! OMFG, what did I EVER do without this?!?)
All of this is to say that I didn’t really consider the opening of the first Helmut Lang store in SF a newsworthy event.
Well, I was wrong. I’m a man’s man, after all, and I can admit when I’ve been wrong.
I’d be content if everyone dressed in the New Helmut Lang.
Though on the small side, the store is two floors + one mezzanine of mint paneling and glass. Uniform steel piping serve as racks on which the clothes are well-​placed for perusal. I do wish they had gone totally minimalist and did away with the few B&W pictures on the walls since they scream «I SHOP AT POTTERY BARN! I HAVE GREAT TASTE IN GOOGLE IMAGE ART! I’M ALSO A PRETENTIOUS MOTHERFUCKER,» but hey I realize they’re trying to be classy and shit so I’ll give them a pass. The store strikes a nice balance between empty and occupied space — and after experiencing the clusterfuck that is Barneys, this is pleasant and most welcome.
Doug, the salesman on the third floor, is a friendly guy who graciously let me rifle through the racks of menswear for an hour. Of course, I’m not completely fucking obnoxious like some of you assholes who try on 500 things, treat the salespeople like wage slaves by forcing them to pick up your mess, and leave without a single purchase, but I digress.
You can find some tasteful and slightly edgy items which, as far as I can tell, are well-​made. The colors are grey, white, and a LOT of black. It’s a good place to pick up basics with a twist, such as the $ 185 black cotton henley (also available in white — OOOH, RISKY! LIVIN’ LA VIDA LOCA!!) with the thumbholes and inverted placket. Now that I think about it, many of the blazer cuffs were inverted (and operable) as well. I guess the New Helmut Lang is all about inversion. Well, actually the Old Helmut Lang was too. But inversion is the rule rather than the exception in the fashion world, right?!?
Speaking of the Old Helmut Lang, I thought he was a bit more innovative, but he was also more expensive: the priciest item I saw here was the leather jacket (of course) which clocked in at $ 895 (which is a lot, but not for a leather jacket).
I definitely think you should visit the Helmut Lang boutique and pick up a few choice items, even though the designs are nowhere near as edgy or appealing as they used to be – kind of like me and my reviews!
Three and a half stars, rounded up to four for the always-​welcome opportunity to rip myself a new one. Now let me don my Dieter outfit. Prost!

Being the second stand-​alone HL store in all the U.S. says something about SF being a shopping destination. It reminds me of when MJ opened up shop on Maiden Lane showing that Bay Areians (yes I made up that word) are about quality and not trend.
This two story boutique is AMAZING!!! You can see everything in the store by just looking through the massive floor to ceiling windows so why would you want to go in!!! To touch and feel what quality clothing and construction is all about.
Finally a store without unpretentious salespeople. Oh yeah, no more having to search in vain for a pair of HL denim.