Ninety Nine Cents Only Giant Value

I don’t know what y’all expect from a 99-​cent store. It sells every random thing you could think of — giant laundry bags, gift wrap, plates with Jesus on them, bright blue tupperware, concert t-​shirts from five-​year-​old tours, batteries, novelty lighters…
No, not everything is 99 cents, but if you find yourself needing something really random, try going here first. You just might find it for cheap.

There’s not typically anything exciting to say about 99 cent stores, but I have to say this one takes the cake for the sheer amount of floor space. Selection is as random as you would expect, with everything from Spiderman themed plastic baggies to a terrifying knockoff Elmo piñata. Be sure to poke around the kitchen section to the right of the store in particular if you need to pick up some of the more mundane items Walgreens would charge you closer to $ 5 for.
And last but not least, you ought to see the rug display room downstairs. Because you came to a 99 cent store to purchase your multi-​hundred dollar rug… right?

This place is great for your average, over-​sized dollar store. They have various household odds and ends that easily are 5x the price at a hardware or household store. Clearly some of the stuff lacks in quality, but with good judgement you can find good deals here.

Let’s see, what did I get, 99 cent generic «Windex» a pack of socks that are pretty comfy, and a 3 pack of loofahs. Loofahs sucked. Fake Windex works great. I like this store, been going here for years. Check out the hot sauces!

I unexpectedly ran into a Unilocaler in the downtown area. We hugged and embraced.
Then by the manly-​scent on me, she complimented me and said,
«Hey Matt, you smell good!
I said, «Thanks!»
She continued and said, «$ 75.00 bottle of Hugo Boss from Macy’s is sure pricey. Is that what you got on?»
I replied, «No, Jordache Vintage #33 for $ 1.29 + tax at the Ninety Nine Cents Only Giant Value Store on Mission St. You like?»
She covered her nose, turned away and left me in disgust!
I shouted, «Hey, where are going? At least I took a shower and used Safeguard soap (also purchased at the same store).
I just found out that Unilocaler has dumped me from her friend’s list and I lost a fan.
«I’ll use a better cologne and better body-​soap if you, «PLEASE COME BACK TO ME!»
After one use and «stinky» encounter, I immediately threw that bottle away!

They use the entire lower level for rugs that go for under $ 200 and come in sizes up to 8×11 feet. Most of them are under $ 50. If you don’t care whether your rug was hand-​made this is the place to get it.

Have you ever thought you might be pregnant but it turned out you just have really bad PMS? Well here you can find home pregnancy tests that actually work for $ 1.49!!! Because sometimes you need more than one test. This is not a value, it’s a STEAL. They also stock a wide selection of plastic containers in dozens of sizes which are great for science projects.
Kinda pissed though that the tests were negative, meaning I have nothing else to blame my sudden chubbiness on except that I am, uh, temporarily… FAT. Le sigh. THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR BINGE-​EATING SALVADOREAN TAMALES.

when you absolutely, positively NEED something, but can’t afford the real version of it, this is the place to go. the name is a misnomer (i don’t know if anything actually costs $.99 in the entire building), but the prices are still pretty cheap. again, the price speaks volumes about the quality of the product, but when you’ve got $ 9 to your name, what else can ya do? plus, it’s fun to buy something completely written in another language and just hope it does what you think it does.
my biggest complaint with this place is, you can purchase a pot large enough to roast a 200 pound pig in it for $ 5, but if you just need a little one to make, say macaroni and cheese, that’ll run you $ 15. i just don’t get it.

my parents are cheap. they come from the old country, and when they were living under marshall law by the ruling communist party, they weren’t going to throw money at crap all over the place, since they might need it later for… um… survival.
they eventually move to the US, and now have become completely americanized, to the point that they sometimes modify their shopping plans based on which stores have air conditioning.
anyway, my parents are the ones that clued me into this place, because yes, they love the concept of buying 17 things and paying $ 17. but the place actually carries name brands and normal quality products. often you’ll see the same $ 5 item at walgreens here for $ 1. i stocked up on cell phone screen protectors, because they are normally $ 10 at other stores. also, you’ll obviously find lots of cheap chinese consumable/​disposable household items for which you don’t need to concern yourself about quality.
i find it funny that this company has enough revenue that it’s a pubicly traded company. last quarter, they grossed over $ 242 mil in sales. that’s only funny to me because it means that they *sold* close to 242 million cheap little products to lower income earners at shitty parts of town throughout the west coast.
shop there before the hipsters infiltrate and buy all the jesus belt buckles and cans of pabst lite!
EDITOR’S NOTE: i mistakenly thought that this place was part of the west coast chain, but it’s an independent one. it mostly still applies though.

Heinz dill pickle chips are now $ 1.29 here. If GV was still charging a buck for them, they coulda had 5 stars.
Anything else you need however, from batteries to bras, can be found here. Granted there’s something a little off about their brands of breakfast cereals (does Tony The Tiger have pinkeye?), but it’s all cheap. If it’s not 99 cents.
Rugs, baby sippy cups, tinfoil, mexican toothpaste. You name it.

do dollar stores ever stick to the premise on which they’re based? and if they go to the effort of specifying that they’re a 99-​cent store, should they be held to that promise even more?
um who cares? this place kicks ass. for 6 bucks you can get a belt with a jesus buckle, and for 7, the belts are pink or red or silver with hot bedazzling along the back. clothes, food, toys, a basement full of rugs…
it’s like a mini-​mall of heaven. for cheap. maybe not exactly 99 cents, but awesome all the same.