The Contents of My Purse

I always carry a very small purse and amaze people by the amount of body parts I fit inside. Wait no, not body parts, okay yes but that’s only sometimes. Let’s see who’s part of the party in my purse right now…
–Keys (I carry enough to be a janitor between home, Cali home, and work)
–Wallet (it’s really a cigarette case)
–Lotion
–At least 3 kinds of lip balm… Come on now…
–iPod Nano and headphones
–Yelp name tag (I always find a crumpled one inside)
–Sunglasses for when I don’t want to look at you dirty people
–Purell
–Spare change
–Business cards (work and my blog)
–Work phone
–Personal cell phone
–Black eyeliner
–Red lipstick
And receipts… So many receipts…

car keys
cell phone
iPod nano
a ski mask
aquaphor/​cetaphil cream
brass knuckles
floss
rosary
motrin
waldo, on occasion (in case you can’t find him)
strawberry antibacterial hand gel
wallet
a laminated photo of Judith Light
makeup purse
dancing shoes (for the impromptu foxtrot — it happens)
always maxi-​pad
pack of spearmint Trident
pack of strawberry Bubbilicious
bit-​O-​honey
a secret admirer letter I wrote to myself that I still have to mail
parking violation
cardboard (for the impromptu windmill — it happens)
puckmaren, the tiny alien pet from Flight of the Navigator
a check for 1 billion dollars
pepperspray in case someone tries to steal my photo of Judith Light

Well, now this just seems fun… I don’t even know what I have in my purse… so this will be interesting.
I love my purses… and usually, they get filled with a whole bunch of junk… since I end up packing everything in there…
but I just changed to my new birthday purse… so it should be pretty clean, right?
Anyway, here’s what I currently have:
Inside the Isabella Fiore in no particular order:
1. My car key
2. Receipts
3. Centinela Feed & Pet Supplies Loyalty Card
4. 1 purple pen
5. My Disney «Princes and Princesses Smooching» Checks
6. an Angry Little Girls «Damn I’m Cute» compact
7. a Burts Bees Chapstick — so I can stop biting my lips!
8. a matryoshka doll flash drive
9. a clicker (for dog training)
10. some random dog treats at the bottom
11. a cupcake metal id case — with my business cards
12. a cupcake coin purse
13. my rough roses wallet
14. my house keys (which have a bazillion key chains and random keys on there)
15. My cell phone — couldn’t live without that!
16. Joann’s Coupons
17. a piece of cotton candy saltwater taffy
18. a couple warheads
19. a hotdog eraser
my rough roses wallet:
1. bank of america deposit confirmation slip
2. joann’s receipt
3. random change
4. a $ 10 banana republic coupon
5. target card
6. home goods card
7. bank of america card
8. LA public library card
9. petco card
10. tmobile rebate gift card
11. gamestop card
12. bloomingdales card
13. jcrew card
14. wells fargo card
15. paypal card
16. uc irvine id
17. california drivers license
18. us bank business card
19. banana republic card
20. mini calabasas library card
21. a bandaid
22. numerous ticket slips for a total of 743
23. $ 65 in cash (really?! I usually never have cash!)
24. Rocketfizz punch card
25. Joann’s VIP discount card
26. CD Trader punch card
27. Picture People portrait club card
28. Michael Levine wholesale card
29. Michaels tax exempt card
30. Go Yogurt Punch Card (for hawaiian ice)
31. 2 Jersey Mike’s Coupon cards
32. 2 of my mom’s business cards
33. Gameworks card
34. Pottery Barn Store Credit Card
35. Michaels Associate Discount Card (expired)
36. Potato Corner Punch Card
37. USPS Business Line Card
38. an i visited the post office today sticker

I always like these fun review lists. The only thing that has changed is that my big black bag got even bigger. I still keep all my stuff in other little makeup bags and such, to keep eveything in order. I probably don’t need half this stuff and if its a weekend, I may have something completely different as I bring different stuff for my son. But its a workday so here goes:
1. A pack of orbitz gum
2. black eye glass case
3. Victorias Secret body splash in Pear Glacé (small bottle)
4. A receipt
5. My checkbook
6. Keys
7. Marlboro Menthol Ultra Light 100s
8. A maxi-​pad
9. My makeup bag: Mary Kay foundation, Black liquid eyeliner, nail file, NYX lipstick (color=Alabama), Maybelline Baby Lips lip balm in Pink Punch, NYX eye shadow palette, bottle of Naproxen, MAC face powder, 2 lip glosses, Mary Kay mascara.
10. My Ipad
11. My Ipod
12. 4 Lighters (i just don’t feel right without fire in my bag)
13. An extra pair of clothes (for after work, hehe)
14. My wallet (not much cash in it though)
15. One condom (not used)
16. A book I’m reading…
17. Another bottle of perfume CK Escape
18. Clipper Card
19. Pepper Spray
20. Cellphone
21. Birthday Party Invitations
22. A quartz crystal
23. A silver ring
24. Napkins
25. A head band
26. Cell phone and Ipad Charger (2 cords)
27. A pen
28. Paperwork (school info, etc)
29. Visine
And I wonder why my back always hurts… LOL

Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared
(Oo-​oo-​oo-​oo-​oo-​oo-​oo)
Be prepared!
That’s my motto, anyway!
In my purse’s front pocket:
— Unilocal ball point pen
— another ball point pen
— Sharpie
— Hello Kitty ID case with SmarTrip and work ID
— LG enV2
Inside the chaos
— tin of mints
— sunglasses
— wallet
— change purse
— tokidoki bag with digital camera, charger, SD cards and spare battery
— tissues
— magnetic purse hook with an elephant design
— Poketo reusable shopping bag in its own self-​contained zip-​up pouch
— envelope filled with coupons
— small Hello Kitty composition book for jotting notes
— tube of hand cream
— MAC Mineralize Skinfinish, to combat shinyface
— a blush brush, to use with the Mineralize Skinfinish
— iPod Touch
— a pink cosmetic pouch that has more crap in it, including a comb, a pocket mirror, a Crazy Rumors lip balm in Chai flavor, 3 MAC lipsticks, 2 of which are limited edition, 3 5mL bottles of perfume oil from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, allergy medication, medicine for heartburn and indigestion, and Lactaid
— house keys that contain a billion membership cards, but also has a mini flashlight and a plastic mask to use in case I ever have to do CPR (which I hope is never)
and occasionally my purse will also house my netbook. Yes, folks, this is why I walk like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I was back in Japan for several weeks not to long ago, and I noticed something. Almost all of the guys over there all use bags and satchels! Needless to say I have been reluctant to carry one back in the states as I didn’t want to deal with the scrutiny and crap I would get from some friends and family over having a murse or man-​bag. Still while over there I saw a bag and after some coaxing from the g/​f and salesperson I ended up getting one. I honestly never in my life imagined the day I would get a bag, especially what would be called a designer bag. I’m not familiar with brands, but I liked what I saw and ended up getting a black label (apparently a guy’s line in Japan) from Burberry. I could careless of the brand name, I liked the look and color. And after several weeks having one, I wonder how the hell did I manage to carry so much crap in my pockets.
Current contents:
— Ipod Touch w/​ear phones
— Sunglasses
— Canon Powershot SX200is w/​extra battery
— Garmin GPSmap 60CSx (For Geocaching)
— Handkerchief
— Glasses cleaner and wipe
— Chap stick
— Lotion
— Tissues
— ¥648 in small coins that I have yet to change out.
— $.13 in pennies that I can’t seem to get rid of.
So screw the scrutiny, screw the loss of man points. I love my murse.

I love big bags, the bigger the better but then the downside of this is having a really heavy bag in the end…
but no matter what weighs your back down, it’s always good to be prepared which means always carrying :
–extra chonies
–pack of tissues (absolute must)
–travel toothbrush
–concealer
why?
you just never know where you’ll wake up the next day!

How is it that I crammed 46 lipglosses into one teeny-​tiny bag?
Correction: 43 lipglosses, BeneTint stain, a Bonnie Bell Dr. Pepper lipsmacker and one lipstick (L’Oreal #336 Red). It’s like stonehenge in there, and just as heavy.
Two paperbacks because I get bored easily: one fiction, one non-​fiction.
Some people have cool and useful things in their bags. Heck, even the guys with George Constanza wallets can find a Mastercard… Ponce de Leon, the city of gold…
I’m certain there is a wallet in there somewhere, but even the muggers give up after 45 minutes because time is money, yo.
I gave up trying find my housekeys.
I never check my voicemail, no really, yes, I know it’s bad, thank you Mom!
Someone gave me mace and I just laughed. If ever attacked I’ll whallop them with my bag. Two years later when pulling out the coma I’m sure they’ll then be sorry…

Bwaaaa ha ha ha ha —
What a great ‘place’!
The contents of my purse:
$ 18.01
Sur La Table coupon
Checkbook
Various cc’s
$ 60
An index card

Don’t you want to know what I carry in my purse…
Green Kate Spade leather pocketbook
Aviator sunglasses courtesy of Long’s Drugs
MAC Gloss in Love Nectar
Kate Spade makeup bag containing the following:
Lorac Translucent Touchup Powder, Bobbi Brown Face Blender, Nars Shadow in Night Star, Nars Shadow in Faith, Smashbox Lip Enhancing Gloss Sheer, Nars Lipliner in Papua, 2 Loreal Voluminous Mascaras in Black, Loreal Telescopic Eyeliner in Black, Aveda Blush and Shadow set, Givenchy Eye & Brow Prisme, Nars Eyebrow Pencil in Ipanema, Lancome Color Focus Self Select, Bobbi Brown Shimmer Brick Compact in Bronze and Blisslabs Breath-​Freshening LIp Balm: MInt.
Decathlon Club membership card
Work keycard
8Gb iPod Nano product red
Motorola Bluetooth and Razr
Lexar 2Gb flashdrive
Canon Powershot SD630
One dollar
Two hairclips
One hairband
Airheads Blue Raspberry and White Mystery
One vintage earring
A raffle ticket
and keys.
And this is a particularly light day.

I love lists. I’m not big on purses/​bags, but in my newly acquired for quite cheap Marc Jacobs, it contains:
–a half empty bottle of water
–apple blue tooth
–iphone earbuds with mouth piece (to replace the blue tooth that I can’t figure out)
–marlboros & mini lighter
–coach wallet with multiple kaiser cards, gift cards, stamp cards, a Club One «Getting Started Kit» which I should have got started 6 months ago, etc. etc.
LeSportSac makeup bag contents:
–residue from makeup
–Mac blotting powder-​medium
–Shu vinyl unlimited lip gloss –BG 937. Luv it.
–Smith’s rosebud salve
–Covergirl eyebrow pencil in soft brown (for those shenanigan filled nights when you look in the mirror and half your eyebrow is gone).
–Renew rewetting drops
–Lancome lipliner– name rubbed off
–Chanel lipliner –nude 05
–Benefit lipgloss/​lipstick thingy-​Good to Go
–extra hair ties/​bobby pins
–2 caffeine pills, 3 pepcid chewables
–keys
Work backpack contents:
–all of the above +
–stethescope
–alcohol swabs, scissors, clamps, pens, sharpies, various medical type things, etc.
–notorious pager
–pillcase with benadryl, tylenol, motrin, zantac, tums, uristat, claritin, pepcid… u need it, I got it!
–various work schedules
Creating this list was kind of fun and enlightening, looks like I should start carrying gum!

HA! I love this category! Also a great excuse to clean out the heavy thing after a vacation.
In my pink Dior purse (my ultimate favorite bag)
— Pink LV wallet (a lot lighter after my Vegas trip unfortunately)
— Monogram LV card/​key pouch. I use this to hold my Starbucks card, business cards and fast pass.
— Prescription sunglasses with case
— cell phone
— mini-​mirror
— 2 Clinique lip glosses, in Juicy Apple and Black Honey
— Clean and Clear oil blotters
— my asthma spray (sucks not being able to breathe)
— my little pill box (for ibuprofen and allergy pills folks, I swear)
— fold-​up fan (needed it to fan away smoke at the slot machines)
— pack of tissues
— travel size bottle of Bath and Body Works lotion in Sweet Pea.
— Hello Kitty nail clippers
On work days, add in my work ID, card keys, and my Blackberry.
WHEW!

Nars blush– Orgasm
Maybelline cover stick
Estee Lauder bronzer
Eyeshadow Brush — Mac
Blush brush
Mac lipstick-​california dreamin
Lancome quad eyeshadow
Lancome color focus ombres 4edge/​innocence/​dill/​lezard
Sonia kashuk highlighter
Shu Eyelash curler
Smashbox lipgloss-​brilliant
Mac lipgloss– 4n
Mac brow powder-​walnut
Shu brow brush
2 Mac eyeshadow pots– modest & neutral
Estee Lauder lipstick– tiger eye
Maybelline eyeshadow brush
Cover girl lash blast mascara
Tweezers
Mac spice lip liner
NYC brow pencil
NYC liquid liner– plum
Maybelline unstopabble lliner
Juicy Couture eyeglasses– Drama Queen
Antibacterial wipes
3 hair bands 4 hair clips
Check book
1 pack of tissues
Blotting papers
Bath and body works spray– exotic coconut
Sephora mirror with $ 40 gift card inside (thanks Rich)
CO bigelow mentha mint lip tint
dead cell phone
two pens
1 pack of gum
6 AA batteries
2 cough drops
1 notepad
1 sharpie
yaz b/​c
stickers for Mateo from In n out
splenda packets– 4
In my Coach wristlet– 2 medical cards
3 coupons
4 reciets
Bank card
Card keys– 2
2 business cards
Sehora card– beauty insider
Trade secret– style club card
Drivers license
Movie ticket stub for Kung Fu panda? Whoa! I need to clean out my purse!

I switch purses too often and I either end up hoarding a lot of stuff, or I’m missing everything that I need. This is what I carry in my big purse:
Chapstick
Back up chapstick
Lip gloss
back up lip gloss
hand sanitizer
blotting sheets
a pencil
a back up pencil
a pen
a back up pen
a pad a post its
a backup pad of post its
a backup backup pad of post its
gum
mints
candy
granola bar
wallet
keys
a burrito (when it’s lunch time)
my sigg bottle
tape white out
a pair of silver hoop earrings
a black skull and crossbones necklace
several packages of zyrtec d
several packets of lactaid
several packets of pepcid ac
cold ease
ricola
hand lotion
3 elastic hair ties
digital camera
my yearly planner (with another pen)
cell phone
stickers
a ball bearings chain
Srsly.

Dang… look at all you high maintenance bitches!!! I’m a minimalist and often times just carry a clutch or wristlet. Also that way sales people won’t have a reason to think I’m up to something, such as robbing them cuz I’m a colored person. *wink, wink.
If you are a true beauty and not a fraudulent hag, all you need is some cash, your ID, maybe your visa, and maybe… MAYBE a mirror. Oh and some chapstick and a few bobby pins.
See? Packing light can be done. High maintenance pieces of shit…

Not enough money in there… *sniff*
But the good thing is, I always have pepper spray with me. I’m broke, but still alive!

I call it a purse.
The SO calls it «luggage».
And yes, it has gotten in the way of things sometimes, but for each time he bitches about how big it is, I remind him that he can put his sweater in there for when it gets cold later.
I have three purses, total. It’s like a ridiculous Russian doll situation (tm FOTC). I have a small time designer bag, and a coach bag that goes IN that bag (for my makeup), and a Louis Vuitton wallet that goes in the big bag, too.
Here are my contents:
1 pair of 17 dollar sunglasses from Walgreens
1 pair of 100 dollar sunglasses from Banana Republic + case
1 bag of White Rabbit Candy
1 bag of Reese’s Pieces
1 bar of Ghiradelli Dark and Raspberry chocolate
1 pair of glasses (like…to SEE)
2 boxes of contacts
1 contacts case
1 case of Trident gum (that is strewn all over the bottom of the bag)
1 case of Neutrogena Oil Blots
1 thing of matches
2 lighters
1 stick of travel size deoderant
1 iPod + the case it came in
2 things of nail polish
1 box of bandaids
1 bottle of face wash (for makeup remover)
20 tampons (2 different kinds)
2 condoms from Power Exchange
1 Wonka bar from Power Exchange
2 pens from Power Exchange
1 Unilocal Nail File
1 Unilocalstick
1 thing of Carmex
1 winekey
1 pair of fingerless gloves
1 thing of dental floss
1 bottle of crazy pills (jk jk… kinda)
1 hair comb
1 thing of bobby pins
1 thing of hair ties
2 books: American Psycho and The Portrait of Dorian Gray
1 movie: Grandma’s Boy
1 checkbook
2 tickets to see Mike Birbiglia
1 bottle opener
1 set of keys
1 mini calendar
1 jewish prayer book from Israel
2 unpaid Parking Tickets
Cash
*whew*
Now for whats in my makeup bag…(I didn’t finish it because I thought I would exceed the max character amount)
an eyeshadow palette, a compact mirror, a powder foundation, foundation powder brush, 2 eyeliners, 3 lip pout balms, one blush thing, a small compact of face moisterizer, one eyelash curler, one eyeliner sharpener, 3 mascaras, 6 random brushes, one metallic eye colour to hold down the shadow, one eyelash comb (not to be confused with curler), one pair of tweezers, one eyebrow tint colour thing, and some change.
Yes, I am this awesome.
And yes, my shoulder is noticeably stronger…
Oh and I have a lucky charm four leaf clover scarf around one of the handles.
Woohoo!

Why do I feel like I am at a bridal shower? The woman or man with condoms and an item that represents the penis wins automatically! Good lord, I just wrote penis on a Unilocal review.
The contents of my purse get 3 stars because it is a royal mess. I love my Brooklyn Industries bag but I can’t find anything in it and the fact that I saw 3 other ladies clutching the same tote on the subway makes me want to hurl it in front of the oncoming train. So much for being unique. But my baby sis gave it to me so I hold on to it with dear life since it reminds me of her and it is totally my style.
So let’s take a peek. This bag needs yellow construction tape that yells disaster area.
Compartment 1
— print outs of company info of which I am interviewing for
— Troy Hayes’ business card (see review of di Bartolo)
— an unpaid PG&E bill $ 15.75
— work keys, car keys, ex room mate’s keys (must feed the Fighting fish Furbabam while ex room mate is on vaca)
— Moisture plus eye drops (I hope this brand doesn’t give me some nasty eye infection)
— A sad English muffin with 2 slices of turkey
Compartment 2
— make up case (also given to me by my baby sis)
— a dozen Unilocal reviews written with chicken scratch
— LV wallet
— a travel drive that houses my resume (anyone want to hire me?)
— 2 movie tix for AMC bought from Costco ($ 14 for 2!!)
— Cortisone 10
— A $ 100 gift card from Macy’s
Compartment 3
— ½ bag of Almond M&Ms purchased in Vegas
— Burt’s Bees Baby Bee Buttermilk Lotion
— A CCC Library Card
— Kashi TLC Honey Almond Flax Bar
— My business cards
— Pink Razr phone (piece of sh*t)
— menu (see review of Café Zeste)
— Instructions and parking passes for my moonlighting job (see review of Woodminster Theater)
— receipts

I know i’m older jnow and I really should be carrying some designer purse but I don’t. I love $ 9.99 little black Old Navy purse.
It carries:
my huge Nine West wallet
chapsticks (carmex & burt’s bees wax)
Dior Kiss lipgloss (snow cherry)
Tide To Go pen
keys (house & car)
T Mobile Sidekick III
LG v8100 (piece of shit cell phone)
h2o (im a thirsty gal)
business cards
a lighter
I can’t believe my little purse holds all my crap.
— — — — — —
EDIT UPDATE:
omg. I have to downgrade the ratings of my purse back to 4 stars. I lost BOTH of my chapsticks. How the fuck did I do that?! GREAT.
_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​_​
UPDATE:
okay. I bought new chapsticks. back to 5 stars

Come, on!
No, really. I used to carry a purse, or what a friend called a «men’s kit,» European style. On an elevator once, a businessman asked me if I had an issue with my sexuality. «No,» I said. «I carry it because my GIRLFRIEND likes to look at my BUTT!» No more questions, your honor.
So back then it had:
cell phone
wallet
keychain
comb
2 hair bands
change — anywhere from 5 cents to 5 dollars
ballpoint pen
mechanical pencil, 7 mm
diet & exercise diary
little black book
1 condom, just in case (never used it)
No purse now. But my WIFE still likes to look at my BUTT!