Sleepy Hollow Tarrytown

I’m a total hypocrite. Now that I’ve moved here from the city, I hate the fact everyone is moving here from the city. When I start ranting that «you goddamned people are jamming up my quaint little river town!», I have to admit that me… me is also those goddamned people. Mostly you. But me too.
I can’t and won’t blame me, however. Who wouldn’t love it here? There is a wonderful sense of community and something equally important. Trees. Grass. Fresh air. Like Central Park, but with fewer perverts, hobos, rapists and piles of rancid horse shit. I’m sorry, I mean «tourists». It’s beautiful here on the river… like a high class prostitute… because you WILL pay dearly for it (real estate is absurdly priced). I thoroughly enjoy the peace and quiet, however… with the exception of the medieval fire horn that the town leaders insist is necessary. If you aren’t privy, each time there is a fire, a blaring, repeating fog horn calls the firemen to action. It is earth shaking and completely unnecessary in this day and age. Somehow every fire department on the planet has progressed beyond this ridiculous and disruptive method, but not Tarrytown. It’s really one small step above blowing a conch shell or ram’s horn to rally the troops. I guess there is a certain obnoxious charm in it. That is what I’m going to tell myself. It charms me at least five times a day, in fact.
The folks here are so friendly– they won’t purposely run you down in their automobiles or shove you out of the way on the sidewalk with soulless eyes like you’ll find in the city. They actually seem to enjoy being around one another and there is always ample opportunity to meet one’s neighbors. The library hosts an annual book sale and indoor Haunted Mini Golf in the fall shortly before the coolest Halloween parade you will ever see. I mean, Sleepy Hollow HAS to do Halloween right or risk disgrace. There is a street fair in the summer with vendors, games and food. Speaking of food, the restaurants lining Main Street are a Unilocaler’s dream and a great place to sit out in the summer and appreciate the town.
Look at me… I’m gushing.
The bottom line is, stay the hell out of my town. Where you really want to live is Ossining. OOOOOOsssining. Do you hear me? Keep right on driving, you sonofa…