Bentleys Coffee Lounge

Yes I know that it is not a lounge, that the coffee is out of an industrial tub of Nescafé, and that the name Bentley is synonymous with classy automobiles but you can’t exactly call a café Vauxhall Greasy Spoon, unless of course you’re in Vauxhall and are a particularly no-​nonsense proprietor to boot I suppose.
Bentley’s is at its (clogged) heart a greasy spoon par excellence. The tables and chairs are bolted to the floor; you get a mug not a cup of tea; if it can be fried that’s how it’s going to be cooked. All it is missing is the laminated red check table cloth and the ketchup in a plastic tomato.
They also serve up sandwiches and other lunch items, but you only venture here for the fry-​ups which are big, cheap and ever so greasy. Yes, there plenty of places to eat around here but for that-​morning-​after-​the-​night-​before pit stop this is should be your destination.

This slightly grim looking establishment calls itself a ‘Coffee Lounge’, then directly underneath it advertises itself as a ‘Fast Food Diner’ in letters almost as large. So, which is it? It seems I’m not the only Unilocaler who’s confused. One thing IS clear, however: it’s definitely lacking that relaxed, comfortable Coffee Lounge vibe that you’ll find at classier places such as Juno Lounge (which is on the same road).
Glancing at the menu, it’s a basic café with uninspiring décor and nowhere especially comfortable to park yourself with a newspaper and a cup of coffee. If you’re after a cheap snack, it may suffice — but nothing has yet enticed me inside because there are so many far more appealing places for a coffee break along Wellfield Road.

If you’re going to name something after one of the poshest cars ever, you’d think you’d at least try and make the place look fairly classy.
And you can’t call something a «lounge» if there’s nothing to lounge on.
Bentleys is not what you’d expect from the name. Bentleys is old, white, metal chairs and tables that you associate with service station cafes found in the back-​end of nowhere, and cheap sea-​front cafes in the tackiest of seaside towns.
Looking through the window, it’s hard to imagine why anyone would want to eat in there when there are so many more comfortable and classier cafes in the area. There is one reason though: it is very, very cheap. You can get a full breakfast for under a fiver, and a… passable cup of tea for less than anywhere else nearby. Good for hungover students who spent all their money the night before but crave greasy food.

Bentleys Coffee Lounge doesn’t entirely meet the preconceptions that the name seems to conjure. When I think of Bentleys I automatically think of really posh cars, Jamiroquai, and the very nasty ex-​Wing Commander who used to own Rookery Hall in Cheshire, where I used to work as a chambermaid when I was sixteen, (and suffered the wrath of W.C. Jones, as he was an impossible man to please). And when I think of lounges, I automatically envision large sprawling sofa’s, evenings of luxury and comfort, subtle lighting and some well earned time off!
Bentley’s does not conform to any of the notions that I attribute to its name alone. Instead, the reality of it, to my mind at least, is that it’s a café that makes passable, if conventional, food which they serve in pretty basic surroundings. Prices are low, and they probably do the cheapest cuppa on Wellfield Road.