Keepsakes

‘The Perfect Gift for your loved ones’
If any of you buy me a gift from Keepsakes I shall throttle you, I swear. Their ‘sentimental verses personalised to suit your every need, sold in any one of our wide range of elegant frames.’ would make any sane human feel peaky, let alone a poetic type like me who has the double cringe of the rhyme scheme to endure.
‘We have sentimental verses for Mum, Dad, Daughter, Son, Sister, Brother, Auntie, Uncle, Nan, Nannies, Nana, Granddad, Grampy, Friends, Births, Christenings, Engagements, Weddings, Thanking Mum & Dad, Best Man, Bridesmaid, Retirement, Graduation, Thank You (for Doctors & Nurses) in fact for any person or occasion.’ They lie in those last seven words.
In their generic bad sentimental mushy poems they are ‘happy’ to change names throughout at no extra cost, and can also add in ‘special’ messages like ‘Happy Birthday’ before they bung it in a frame and charge you upwards of £4−99.
They also sell: Baby Gifts (Births & Christenings), Wedding Gifts, Money Boxes, Photo Albums, Birth Certificate Holders, Wedding Cake Knife Set, Keepsake Boxes, Bride and Groom Centre Piece, Baby Photo Albums, Guest Books, Toast Glasses, Musical Moving Babies (Shoot me now), Wedding Ring Cushions and much. much more.
My worst nightmare, but then, I have taste, and like to put more thought into gifts for loved ones. Thoughts like ‘will they like it or chuck it in the bin?’ A lot of people don’t. They are the people who make these products ‘bestsellers.’ They love it.