Safestore

Ninja Of Stubborn Padlocks.
— a title I can never put on my business card.
It seems to be a Unilocal tradition that when a new CM takes over, they are destined to be utterly lost for an afternoon within a maze of storage lockers…
Like my lovely predecessor, I found myself making my way to the Narnia of Unilocal Swag this afternoon to load up on loot for an upcoming event. Armed with little more then a text from Jenny L and a healthy dose of optimism, I walked from Stockbridge to this looming haunt of a storage place.
First tip: don’t walk from Stockbridge unless you’re wearing excellent shoes…
As Cressie noted, this place is quite the maze and seeing as I get lost walking out my front door most days, I went straight to reception to get the lowdown. Though I didn’t get a guided tour, a very helpful chap (who will later secure that fourth star), gave me decent directions to the Land of Unilocal Loot.
… where I stood and fussed with the padlock for 20 minutes. Yup. That’s right. I had walked an hour only to be faced with a seemingly unbudging door. With calls to Jenny, msgs to Cressie, praying to whoever might be listening — it seemed like I was destined to fail in my swag adventure this particular afternoon. I popped back to reception to double check that I had the right locker and the gent said, «Oh, let me give it a go. I’m great with locks.» We hopped back to the storage locker (yes, the correct one from the start) and WITHIN SECONDS he had popped the lock open. Apparently, there’s a twist, push and jiggle trick that I am inherently horrible at.
That little trick saved me from a dejected walk home and panic visit the next afternoon, so tip of the hat Reception Guy!
The rest of my adventure was blissfully uncomplicated. The storage place seems clean and tidy, it’s accessible 24 hours, decently lit (most of the time…) and the trolleys don’t have wonky wheels.
Non wonk is a huge plus. Trust me on this.
Overall, i’m happy to trek out here every so often for storage loot. If you seek storage of work/​personal — this is a safe/​clean bet.

I wonder how much one can say about something like Safestore. How does one apply a star rating? I wonder what a Safestore would have to do to qualify for five stars — velvet swags above each lockup? Roller-​skating janitors dressed as padlocks? These are things I would certainly love to see. But it works and it keeps things safe and it’s A-​OK with me.
The first time I toddled down here to my Narnia Of Unilocal Things (you don’t think I keep all those lip balms in my sock drawer, do you?) I rang ahead to let them know I was coming. «I’ve taken over from Jenny L,» I said. «I know the padlock code, but could you possibly just show me the way to the right space?» I was told that that would be no problem.
Later on, on the way, I got a wee bit lost and had to call for directions. «It’s Cressi from Unilocal again,» I said. There was recognition in the chap’s voice; we’d only spoken about three hours before. He sent me on the right path and informed me that, based on my location, I’d be there in about three minutes.
I was, and I walked into reception to be met with politely blank smiles from the two gentlemen sitting there. «I’m… Cressi from Unilocal,» I said. One of the men — evidently the owner, to whom I’d been speaking on the phone, perked up and immediately went through the records to find out the number of the space to guide me to.
Now, maybe that’s something — a little picky perhaps, but for sure more useful than velvet swags… given that he’d known three minutes earlier that I’d be arriving in three minutes, it would have been impressive if he’d already pulled that information out in anticipation of my arrival. It didn’t take long, so it wasn’t an inconvenience, but just something I thought at the time.
Anyway, having found the number, he cheerfully hastened off down corridors, calling to me to follow. Racing round a series of identical corners, I felt a bit like I was in an episode of Doctor Who. It was good fun. Presently, we arrived at my spot, and he pleasantly bid me good day and set off back the way we’d come. I busied myself in diving headlong into my little world of exciting Unilocaly things.
Alas. Having retrieved what I needed and re-​secured the door, I began to make my way back, and became hopelessly and utterly lost in a twisting labyrinth of lockups. I gave a little cry of dismay, venturing ever further, until I was engulfed by darkness. For years I wandered, with nothing but lip balms for sustenance, lighting my way by burning playing cards. Somehow, after a long time — I don’t know how long, but I felt weak and my hair had grown to my waist — I stumbled out into the loading area beside some vans. Feebly, I shielded my eyes from the blazing sunshine. I must have been lost in there for a good couple of minutes.
It was kind of fun, actually. But I wonder how often that happens… I wonder if anyone is still lost in there…