The Marble Hill Pub

We used the marble pub as part ofba pub crawl from Richmond to twickenham. The staff were great and made the trip more enjoyable.

Recently had a cash injection and the place is looking great. From the outside it looks perfectly warm and cosy for the winter months but with enough open space and close proximity to the park to be a great summer venue.
Now that is more praise than it deserves, ergh I feel filthy saying such undeservingly nice things. Here’s why it’s not worth your time, or money, or grumbling stomach pain…
— I walked in the door to be dripped on by a wet ceiling (it had been raining the day before but I’m sure that ceilings aren’t supposed to do this). There was no «Watch out you’re going to get dripped on» sign, nor a bucket collecting the water, just a slowly staining brand new carpet.
— Once we sat down, took our coats off and got comfortable the barmaid/​manageress came and told us to move. That table was reserved. I asked what time it was reserved for and it turned out we had THREE HOURS before the reserved table was needed. Despite this, she still didn’t let us sit down.
— We moved to a different (wobbly) table and sat down (again). This time I sat on a WET chair, A WET CHAIR! So I got up and changed the chair, to which I was told off. We should have left by this point really.
— Then I buy some drinks and order the food. My pint was obviously the first of the day and it tasted filthy. I didn’t change it because I wanted to avoid a fuss.
— When the food came, it was wrong. I ordered lamb, but got chicken. I let the nasty pint go but I wasn’t prepared to eat something I didn’t even order. So I sent it back and waited, and waited, and waited, etc.
— Once my family had TRIED to finish their COLD food my COLD meal came to the table. In hindsight, I wish it hadn’t. It tasted awful. Completely and utterly awful. Like everyone else sat around the table with me, I found most of it to be inedible also. The ‘roast’ potatoes were evidently DEEP FAT FRIED and had soaked up the nasty, nasty chip oil. And the meat (if you can call it that) was impossible to eat with my human teeth and jaw. Perhaps if I had the teeth of a crocodile or lion I might have been able to pierce it at least.
By this point you’d expect the business owner to desperately attempt to recover things by offering complimentary desserts, coffees or drinks but this didn’t happen. In fact, I don’t think they had any clue that I was completely unsatisfied, despite it being pretty damn obvious. I told them I wouldn’t pay and they gave me so much crap that I paid for half of the bill so I could get out of there.
NB: The whole bar remained 80% empty for the duration of our meal, including the reserved table that we had wanted to sit at originally. And the family on the table next to us must have been dissatisfied too, they upped and left in the middle of their meal.