British International Motor Show

Cream your pants in the new Porsche Clamidia. Such wanky female exploitational events should be followed by a grand two handed special wank known only as the Masterwank. Every shiney vehicle on display comes with promotional tarts from all over Londons nether regions. Better quality wank-​bank paraphanalia than any top shelf in this great country. Even the programmes are being sold by scantily clad ladies from essex who want to flirt outrageously with you. But only so you give them 3 quid. For this you get an official motor show programme full of A-​grade masterwank shiny vehicle foreplay material, a free goody bag involving deoderant (essential for sweaty perverts), a hat so uncool you wouldnt even use it to cover up your poor ginger childs head, an energy drink claiming to be ‘just for men’ (Perhaps they should have also specified that this is a drink just for sad pathetic middle aged men with small penises and more money then sense. Amongst other things) Also included: crummy gift vouchers and a free novel. Yippee. There were many bins spewing this crap all over Canning town. Unfortunately I didn’t go to the motor show out of choice and I have no interest in cars, or callous shows of extreme wealth and general slaggery happenings. There were some lovely looking motors there though. I smoked a spliff on the way in and even then it was quite dull here. Corporate bull cheese. Remember, two hands. Enjoy.