The Cuckoo Club

The club is like a fairytale themed French club with an upscale crowd. The service there is wonderful. I had a waiter give me lots of complimentary drinks. The entrance, upstairs and the downstairs interior differ a little, which makes the club nice and versatile, depending on what type of atmosphere you want. The club is always filled with prestigious table guests dancing around their tables and having w good time. The music there is good and changes well in terms of genres. Not too many commercial promoters there. One can tell that this club has been here for a long time and for a good reason. This club nearly met all of my expectations. Worth going to once in a while for some good house music!

Entering year ten and still owns the London nightlife scene given the caliber of the staff, the constant evolving and forward thinking music and entertainment and the design décor which has clearly stood the test of time.
It takes a lot to survive a decade in the fierce market that Cuckoo exists in… they did it with humility and grace!

Visiting London for a week. This place was so much fun! The door people were really nice, the music was awesome, and the bartender made some deliciously creative drinks! Yum. I liked all the people I met there. Considering how good looking every single person in there was, I was surprised by how happy and friendly they all were :) There was a hot dancer in a body suit up on a mini stage and bartenders would periodically march through the bar carrying drinks on fire. But mainly I was so happy about the music! Good job Mr. DJ, whoever you are.

It comes down to what you are looking for on a night out.
You’ll find lots of young, pretty tan blondes in tight short dresses and high high heels… and you’ll find lots of wealthy looking business men in nice suits awkwardly attempting to dance with them.
Drinks are expensive, bartenders have a bit of an attitude. … but all is expected given the location.. i’m sure good nights can easily be had there.
I lasted one drink admiring the fancy lights dancing around to the music on the ceiling, sexy podium dancers in blindfolds and rabbit ears and had some chuckles at the Russian oligarch toe tapping and finger snapping … and then was more than ready to find somewhere where the drinks are cheap, the girls are pale and the fashion is more inspiring.

I came here on a wednesday night with some fellow Canadians and Londoners. It was sort of an impromptu decision after last-​call at the pub and I wasn’t very dressed up, but I did not encounter any attitude at all (when I heard we were going to a members-​only club in Mayfair I thought it was going to be kind of snooty). One of the guys in our party is a member/​knew the bouncer, so we got in without having to wait. We stayed in the basement area, which was very elegant and classy. Great atmosphere and very friendly people all around. The DJ was great, spinning mostly house, which I am not usually into but he mixed everything up so it never got boring. My only complaint is there are only 2 washrooms (individual) upstairs and they were not very clean. Otherwise, had a great night. I was impressed there were so many people on a weeknight. London really knows how to party in style!

Cool place … with a slightly secretive feel to it (you can walk right by it without even noticing).
I was there (along with a few other Qypers) for the Stella Artois pouring masterclass:

I was really impressed with the event and even learned a thing or two about how to tell if a bartender is worth his/​her salt.
The club seemed like an ideal venue. Comfortable but swank. It’s location on Swallow Street, an upscale alley elbowing Regents Street and Piccadilly is very convenient. It’s neato how such a centrally located and swish venue can retain such a low profile. I think that’s point of this place.

We got here pretty late after dinner and I was kinda tired from eating such a large dinner, but I perked right up as soon as we got here.
The line outside was pretty bad but we girls walked up to the front and winked our way pass the bouncers who let us in immediately. At first I didn’t know where we were going it was so crowded inside, but I followed my friend towards the bar and we started the night by getting our drink on, YAY!
We only had shots because the place was pretty packed and it would have been dumb to carry a drink around. After about the 4^th shot we decided to hit the dance floor. Yes, it was packed but the girls and I were dancing and making new friends and everyone was really nice and friendly.
We met many new friends and made some dinner plans for tomorrow, so stay tuned for those reviews…

Warning! The Cuckoo Club is members only! I wasn’t aware and it took a while for the penny to drop…
Silly, Sarah! I was under the impression that all humans eat, drink and, you know, defecate and that really puts us all on a level playing field, equally deserving of being treated with dignity, respect and politeness. I’m so glad that people like the snotty witch on the door of The Cuckoo Club let me know that that is not the case. What’s really important is how you look, what you’re wearing, who you’re wearing (apparently Dorothy Perkins isn’t a designer on her radar) and, most crucially, how much money you have.
I had gone to this place at the ungodly hour of 23:00 on a school night (when I would normally be heading off to bed) to see a friend of mine perform in her band. As such, I was on the guest list… or so I thought. Upon arrival, there was a gaggle of lovely looking ladies and gents in their fineries (the invitation said ‘strictly sophisticated’ and it was absolutely adhered to) standing around looking a bit bewildered and the door staff; beautiful, blank and indifferent. The clip-​boarded lady avoided eye contact with anyone and would never have looked my way had I not made a point of grabbing her attention by actually standing so close to her that she could not avoid looking at me. I was told I was not on the guest list and then the stunning wench (she pulled off the wet-​look leggings and killer heels look with aplomb, I’ll give her that) turned ever so slowly to someone else. This was a woman who did not rush for anyone. At least, not anyone without a title. There were no apologies, no explanations, barely any conversation at all with the people huddled around cigarettes trying to keep warm, hoping they made the cut. She even said to her colleague, audible to those even at the back of the queue ‘Only let the IMPORTANT ones in.’ That told us.
I struck up conversations with other people similarly turned away. A young man was a close friend of the lead singer but wasn’t on the guest list. A lady who actually worked for the band as their online promoter wasn’t on the guest list. As we mumbled, grumbled and considered heading home, I managed to get through to my friend who came out to get me (FYI, the mobile phone reception inside is terrible) and the door whore with less charm than a cobra on a come-​down grudgingly let me in. (N.B. I have no idea of the looseness or otherwise of the lady’s morals, I use the word ‘whore’ because it rhymes quite nicely with ‘door’ and because, if I looked like that, I may well turn it to my advantage and snag my own Pretty Woman-​esque fairytale ending…)
Inside, I had to once again flail my arms about to get the attention of the cloakroom staff who, it seems, simply can’t see people who aren’t model good-​looking or filthy rich and then I headed to the bar. I was served more quickly than expected but I was given white wine instead of red (I didn’t have the strength to kick up a fuss by this point) and received a paltry pound in change from a twenty for two drinks. Wowzers. No more drinks for me.
The venue itself was nice enough (quite small upstairs), interestingly done out but I couldn’t see what warranted the extortionate prices or the attitude of the door staff. I know that exclusivity is what some people really value in a night out, and while it’s a plus not to have chavs wondering about vomiting into bins and starting fights with each other, coke on the cisterns and a tenner per drink is really not my scene. I’ve since read reviews about the place which criticise people like me who moan about the snotty door staff, exorbitant prices and having to ‘look right’ to get in and I bloody well stand by what I’ve said. None of those things gives the impression of a business which has any interest in its customers beyond the superficial which, to me, makes it less classy than your average boozer where you are at least served with a smile, some chat and — if you’re luck — complimentary peanuts (‘Why, you look simply ravishing this evening!’ har-​de-​har).
What was good was the band. T Mandrake were bloody brilliant, check them out.

Rewind two years ago… I was in London for 36 hours to celebrate my friend’s 21^st birthday. Following a sick meal at the Collection, we came over to the Cuckoo Club and had THE best night.
We got a corner table downstairs and partied all night. From what I can remember, the DJ was amazing. I have partied in a lot of cities in the US and in Europe, but I must say, the music at Cuckoo was unmatched. The DJ played mostly house and trance music, all months in advance of hearing it elsewhere.
The crowd was young, well-​dressed, and good looking. The entire club was up on their feet dancing on the banquets and tables all night. To top of the experience, the ceiling of the downstairs part of the club is a field of LED lights that change colors and are synched with the music!
This is definitely one of London’s best member’s only clubs. So, if you have a member friend, make them take you. If you don’t, well, then get dressed up, get in line, and pray you get past the bouncers.

I really love Cuckoo, it is mine and my friends favourite place to go in London. Although you need to have your name on the list, and even then expect to wait for a while to get it. The place itself is very luxuriously decorated, and because it is on two levels means you can have a change of scenery. It is much more chilled upstairs, and lots of fun downstairs, with a jam packed dancefloor. Drinks are expensive, but the cocktails are great. The crowd is usually a bit older than the average club in London, but personally I think this is a good thing.

Cuckoo is THE place to be in London, and very effectively promoted to draw the right crowd. Yes, it’s pricey, but it goes with the territory!
It is only «boring» if you don’t «get it», as it were. But if you belong there, you certainly won’t be bored :)
Cheers Timo

I’ve been here with members and with tables and without. When I’ve showed up without being on the guest list, I’ve been both nodded on in by the bouncer, and also been denied access with a stone face. I’m convinced the only thing that really makes this club «exclusive» is that the bouncers can be temperamental… Other than that, it’s a totally mixed crowd.
The downstairs is more exciting than the upstairs, even though the upstairs is for VIPs/​members and is more exclusive. The downstairs area is just more fun and casual… the music is definitely more «dance pop» than upstairs — and you’re a lot more likely to meet people since everyone seems to be dancing together.
The upstairs scene is more your typical bankers with tables… and everyone sticks pretty close to their table — or maybe they’re just keeping close to the vodka and mixers. At any rate, your amount of fun will depend on the people you came with.
The atmosphere throughout the club is pretty dark and moody… lots of purple tones and demure goldish accents… think slightly refined British rock and roll. Upstairs has a lot more décor and deliberate ambiance than the downstairs area… it’s where they serve dinner so there are leather chairs and nicer fixtures… plus that massive light bulb display of ever-​changing colours installed on the ceiling.
The rainbow lights are cool and the music is decent, but location is the only really *good* reason to come here… it’s just so perfectly central. And if your name isn’t on the guest list, all you can do is hope that you encounter the bouncer while he’s experiencing a wave of a semi-​good mood.

This is a VIP only, members only club, which means that it is a very classy place. The drinks were seriously expensive. Only worth going to once in a while, for a treat or on somebodies birthday.
Everyone was well dressed, so there is no way you could get in with trainers, something that my good friend had to get a cab home for, which we laugh about now. It didn’t seem pretentious or that we qwere getting dirty looks, but its not the type of place you can go wild and crazy, you most probably won’t be aloud back in.
The interior had really cool and funky décor, these upper class bars all seem to be going for the same funky, yet simplistic touch nowadays, they get really clever with colours and Cuckoo is no different. The ceiling is great, all purple lights! You definitely feel you are in London, in a happening place. The staff were friendly, but seemed to be a tad up themselves. I would definitely go again but in the right crowd of friends.

A friend of mine is a popular artist, she always gets invited to glamorous events and when she has a free ticket, she takes me along.
This Thursday it was again last minute, she asked me to come along to the member club cuckoos, in Mayfair where she is on the guest list for tonight.
Being lucky I had a pair of red high heels in my handbag and was dressed in black as usual. However the roller neck I would be regretting later on that night. Arriving there, pretty girls dressed in glamorous dresses and high heels were ready for a party night out. That’s one thing about London — British girls do not care about how cold it is — they wear their open toe shoes and dresses with no tights.
My friend told me this is the place where the bankers take their clients out. A table for dinner and drinks later can be reserved and the bottles of vodkas get added up on an expensive bill.
There is the ground floor as well as the first floor, which is more exclusive for members. There the music is good for dancing — which in fact I did. While the boys stuck to their martinis I tried a list of different cocktails such as the watermelon vodka one.
Even though I am not a big fan of clubbing and I soon feel bored the people and atmosphere — this night was living up to its promises.

This club and restaurant in the glamour Swallow Street, between Oxford Circus and Piccadilly, it is thee club of the moment. Very busy on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. If you want to enter you have to book very in advance. Other possibility is to have a 60 pounds supper there in the restaurant to enjoy than the night. If the credit crunch is doing too much for your
then grab a coke for a fiver.
Way too pricey for me the atmosphere is quite boring to be honest with you, what can you expect it’s not a nando’s is it!

With two levels, plush purple velvet and a massive disco ball on the main steps down, the place definitely gives a good first impression. Doormen are tough, and the queues can be unforgiving. Guestlist/​table is usually necessary.
On the upstairs level dinner is typically served until ¹¹⁄₁₁.30pm, after which some tables are pushed aside and the music gets turned up a few notches, turning the place into more of a dance lounge. Bulbous multi-​coloured lights blink in synch with the music, and table service and the bar at the back get into full swing. There is also a set of steps to the downstairs level at the very back left.
The downstairs level is darker and shadier, and more of a club than the upper level. Switching between the two levels is always a nice change of pace.
Crowd is similar to the posh West End type clubs — basically a mix between the Bouji crowd and the Mo*vida one. Usually a good time out.