Jester’s

As you can imagine the promise of sub one pound drinks and ‘a truly disgusting night out’ would spark the interest of many university students, which is in fact why I was so excited to attend Jesters. I was however unprepared for what I would witness whilst inside this truly godless establishment.
First of all upon paying entry fee I descended down a staircase to a basement which immediately struck me as having a familiar aesthetic to a laser quest you may have attended if you were a child in the early 2000s. As I turned the corner at the bottom of the staircase to the bar I was hit by the inconceivable smell of sweat and ‘snakebites’ (a beer, cider and blackcurrant squash combo which is popular among university students). I did however find I could slowly become inebriated on under 10 pounds until introduced to the ‘Jesticle’ to which I am still unsure of the contents.
The dance floor was a sticky mess of people sloshing cheap alcohol on one another, resonating with a mosh pit at small venue concerts taking up the entirety. After navigating onto the dance floor in a similar way to the outdoor activity potholing, I briefly left.
I cannot review the toilets because out of fear for my Nikes I did not venture in. However the two friends I attended the club with recalled their being ‘three pints of piss’ in the urinal.
Needless to say I will not be attending again.

Christ! Where to begin. I admit I lost my Jester plates last week.
There is a awful nightclub where I come from that has carpet that you get stuck to on the way in, but this place is something else!
Absolutely HORRENDOUS! Oh forget carpets it’s Tarmac, Yes! Tarmac, with the odd brick strategically placed to give you a hernia as you fall. The walls aren’t much better with unpainted concrete, with the odd bit of graffiti here and there, and of course this is so at the end of the onslaught of sweaty chavs the place can get hosed down haha, what club have you ever been to that they hose it down like a scummy alley.
Went straight outside as the potent stench of chunder, cheap alcohol, and the claps penetrated my nostrils. Actually not to bad, big open area with like a corrugated farm shed to smoke under and enough room to breathe semi-​fresh air.
After watching people mack off outside my journeys took me to the watering hole. Guy at the bar absolutely Ricky-​RumbledLAD ordered four Jesticles which looked like the wreckage of a triple heart bypass, had about a quid to pay for it lol legend. Anyway gave the Jesticle a miss got a cheeky voddy and coke pretty cheap to be fair and headed to the dance floor.
Jesus Christ, here where the fun begins. My drink instantly detonates all over the place! As people were what can only be described as salmoning. Safe to say by now I’ve lost my J plates. Deep in it now, absolutely immersed in Jesticles literally. Tried to escape to sanity and was faced with a what could only be described as something of Takeshi’s Castle, not getting out the dance floor any time soon lol. Managed to escape to take a leak and oh my god!
What a total dive! Walking in hit face first with the smell of a hot wet fart. Graffiti everywhere but that was the least of my worries, after gingerly wading through pee, could of used a life ring to assist me at this point. Got to the urinal and what stood before me was five cups full to the brim of pee scattered between the chunks of decomposing pizza la Reine. Done my business and was out of there faster than Ross Kemp! Back to the brave the dance floor once more to show off my newly rehearsed salmoning. (Oh don’t you worry about me I’ll pop off some cheeky moves!)
To conclude absolute DIRE, was the second worst club in UK not surprising but the number one closed, so Jesters took it’s place. Yes that bad!
And of course all of last nights clothing had to be incinerated as looked like a landfill fell on my hindquarters!
But other than that absolute top club!

Jesters is amazing! Yes, it is legendarily dirty, people are shit-​faced, the music is super-​cheesy and the toilets are flooded almost every night.
Yet, the atmosphere is amazing and everyone is having a good time, even the very busy staff who have the pleasure of mixing the incredibly cheap drinks. When I lived in Southampton, I went there at least once a week and I ALWAYS had a wonderful night: D It does not matter if you go together in a group of 10 – 20 friends, with your uni society or on your own you will meet great drunk students anyway. You HAVE to go to Jesters at least once in your life, I have never experienced anything like it before!

Rumoured to be the worst night club in Britain, Jesters is so bad it’s good. There is often a funny smell lingering around, and some of the toilets are missing doors. But you are guaranteed to have a brilliant night none the less.
Monday night is 50p pints and shots. The jesticle is the famous drink of jesters, costing £4 it contains 2 vodkas, one rum and one schnapps. then whatever the bartender feels like putting in it that night.

This is what Kaos is to the Solent University students for the Southampton University students.
An absolute dive which they try to dress up as a club and bar, and you won’t be very welcome if they find out you’re not a university student or not posh enough!
Plenty of space at the rear in the garden, great for the summer!

Ahhhh. Jesters. I should hate jesters, I really should. It is stinky, sordid and plays terrible music. The signature drink is called the Jesticle for goodness’s sakes. It is filled with students vomming and weeing and being rather lurid and yet. as a student I had so so much fun here.
It is possibly the worst nightclub I have ever ventured into and I have been dangerously drunk on many occassion in there. but I will forever have a soft-​spot for the place

This is the worst club I have ever been to.
Placed in Bevios Valley by the Aldi Supermarket this place is pure filth.
I have been here once and will never go again. As soon I stepped inside and my feet stuck to the floor so much my flip flop came off I knew it was a bad idea! The place smelt and I actually saw someone take a wee against a wall inside the building and everyone carried on like this was normal!
Apparently my friend saw a couple doing something quite rude in the garden too! haha.
They do have cheap drink and on Tuesday apparently they do 50p a pint, but I heard that is because the beer goes off the next day.

Is the ultimate student pub/​club for any student looking for a cheap and fun time out. It is actually two separate places that are next to each other, and I believe they are both owned by the same person.
Clowns is the first port of call around the area after going to The Hobbit. It is the pub of choice for most university societies when they are doing their weekly socials. The drinks are cheap (probably because most of the alcohol is watered down) and the staff are very pleasant and in a good mood most of the time.
Moving on from Clowns, one usually heads to Jesters which is supposed to be a club. I have heard many rumours (so dont quote me on this) that it was ranked as the 2^nd worst club in all of England, and when the worst closed down, Jesters became the worst.
Regardless of that fact it is a great place for any student that wants to have a great time, drink a lot of alcohol for not a lot of money and just enjoy themselves.