The Green House Cafe

Not particularly impressed with this lovely and spacious restaurant/​café for several reasons, mainly because of service. Lets put this review in point form
1. 20 minutes between taking our order and coffee arriving
2. Another 30 minutes for our food orders to arrive (Fish and Chips for me, same for mum)
3. In between, the chef comes out holding a bottle of beer, casual as anything. We still hadn’t received our order! How do I know it was the chef? Because moments after we were served he had the audacity to ask «how is everything» — still with bottle of beer in tow. So in my audacity I said «Yes absolutely wonderful» knowing full well I’d be writing this type of review (a month late). Do the imbeciles of today’s society deserve to be forewarned of the consequences of their actions? Absolutely not!
4. We were the only people in the place!!!
5. Really, that is pretty disgraceful. I gave this place a 2 star rating in my head, I’m dropping it down to one on re-​reading this before I post.
6. Forced to order more coffee to wash down not very nice fish and chips.
The venue itself is something I love — big, spacious and preferably converted from a house or large area. Obvious dining possibilities out the back. The fairy lights have been fastidiously measured out with a ruler, and spaced expertly among the exposed beams of a massive verandah. Pity there wasn’t so much fastidiousness metered out with the service or food. Seriously we were the only people in the joint and it took 20 minutes between ordering to receive drinks, and at least another 20 – 30 minutes to get the food, by which time coffee needed to be re-​ordered as par for the course… which didn’t arrive until after we finished eating. No no no no no no no no. This is not good enough considering we were the only people there to start off with, it was early afternoon, and there were only a couple of extra walk-​ins whilst we dined. Not happy jan. What do you want me to say about beef steak chips that were going dark– very dark brown and dried out whiting or barramundi fillets? honestly I remember only that the fish was dry. And a less than adequate pad of tartare. No salad here for the health conscious with this plate of food. Not even a whiff of a garnish. And it took 50 minutes to make from the order to service. Are you kidding me? seriously? And this guy (the chef is the owner I guess) is going to fail because his café business plan is what exactly? excellence in mediocrity? Or is it that he has a supreme wish to literally force his customers to relax and unwind in his settings, by relaxing and unwinding himself during service? C’mon!
It’s taken me a month to get around to writing this review, and thats because of one main reason; there is nothing, absolutely nothing memorable about this place, except for fastidiously appointed fairy lights. I’ve been wracking my brains trying to remember this place for weeks since being here, always going «I’ll review it when I get home» but forgetting. I think that really speaks volumes about what to expect if you dine here. Memory-​less experience.