El Balcon Del Condado

I don’t mean to get all ‘Cassandra’ up in here (up in here)… but something bad’s going to occur in this spot. The entire time I was here, I was worried that the floor/​ceiling was going to collapse or that there would be a fire and that would be the end of me. Very rarely (especially when intoxicated) have I ever felt as though I was in a deathtrap. This was one such occurrence.
To enter the club, you have to walk up a rickety case of stairs, complete with wood paneling to the side, missing ceiling tiles above you and leaking liquid dripping on you. I kid you not. I was all, «whuh?» But, El Balcon is after hours. It stays open until the sun comes up. That’s why you come here. And, as your mother told you as a youth, «Nothing good happens after midnight.» She’s correct.
So, once you ascend into Hades, you’re surrounded by more wood and more people than should be in one area. Fire codes, people. Look into them. The place was disturbingly crowded. It was impossible to move. Groping was the expectation, not the rule. To make this unfortunate crowding even worse, everyone was stomping to the music. Yes, in a second-​level club with way too many people over capacity, the patrons thought it was a good idea to stomp and jump and up and down over a ceiling missing tiles and supported by a rickety staircase. Why didn’t I leave immediately? Because it was trouble o’clock and I couldn’t remember my name. As the crowd stomped, my crew was body surfed into a corner. This was when it dawned on me that there was only one way out of here and it was not close. It also dawned on me how precarious the situation was. If there was a fire, a fight or, even, flatulence, we were donzos. Seeing that I didn’t come to PR to die, I convinced my party to leave. It was the best situation one could make as the sun was set to rise.
El Balcon, I am sure that you provide a good time for people who wear bad decision jeans. Thing is, they way you’re laid out… it’s just not safe or smart. Put a doorman at the door. Control the crowd numbers. RENOVATE. Trust me. The money you spend on these improvements will be much less money than you’ll have to spend in the event of an unfortunate lawsuit.