Fruit of the Loom

Who wants to talk about underwear? Right – unless they’re a joke, like F of the L boxer shorts, like the ones I bought at Modells at Herald Square in Manhattan. I did what isn’t usually done: I SENT THEM BACK TO F of the L HEADQUARTERS, without their inviting me to do so! One wearing was enough. However, no one has taken the time to reply/​so – THANK YOU, UNDERWEAR FOLKS, THANK YOU BERKSHIRE-​HATHAWAY, and last but not least, THANK YOU WARREN BUFFET! The following is the text of my unanswered letter that accompanied the return of the Boxer Shorts (which cost me $ 12 to send!)–
«Enclosed are the 3 boxers I bought at Modell’s – I cannot imagine who you employ that would consider this design acceptable to male consumers! …Did a woman, or a eunich, design these things?! First… the tiny opening is ridiculous (2″ high). Next, the height at where that miniscule opening appears does NOT allow for „normal use“. I am an avergae male. I have neither small nor large „parts.“ However, the usefulness of this ridiculous opening is all but non-​existent. Why doesn’t one of your MALE executives try to use this opening for what it was intended…»
Now, of course there are women in the target corporation who might take exception to my intimating that they don’t understand the male anatomy. THE OPENING IS ABOUT WHERE THE TOP OF A MALE ORGAN IS, WHEN IT IS «STANDING», AND THE DUMB-​ASS OPENING IS ABOUT BIG ENOUGH FOR A THUMB. So, if Ms Junior Executive WAS insulted, tough! Listen up, FRUIT OF THE LOOM: Do your job! Sell us underwear we can USE! Thank you Warren (I am actually a fan of your plan to fix Congress, though.)

Great underwear.
Nice wifebeater.
Where’s the guy dressed like a Grape?