Public Toilet

On a recent Friday night I found myself walking down Avalon Blvd in South Central on my way to a party when I started to feel nature calling. Immediately I began to panic. I mean, this isn’t the kind of neighborhood where you can just waltz into the nearest restaurant and sneak into the restroom in back. We were practically ankle deep in garbage, quickly pacing by dark, boarded up, graffiti covered, razor wire clad buildings. I had just begun anxiously digging through my pockets in search of something that could function as emergency toilet paper when I saw what appeared to be a mirage in the distance. A flickering streetlight illuminated a forest green structure in the distance with the word «TOILET» in bold white letters atop it.
My goodness. It was real. My pace increased to a brisk stride and within moments I found myself staring at an oval structure roughly the length of a minivan and about 9 feet tall. This thing is no dinky porta-​potty. Complete with an LCD screen and detailed instructions, this toilet was unlike anything I had ever seen before. I immediately pushed the «open» button and the automatic door slid open. I entered to find a completely touch-​free lavatorial experience. Upon entering, one only has to kick a large 10“x10″ «OPEN/​CLOSE» button near the base of the door to get the large door to shut. When you’re doing your business within the unit you don’t even have to worry about sitting in pee, as there isn’t even a seat to pee on! Truly a hoverers paradise.
Once you’ve relieved yourself, you can make your way over to the sink, which will not only automatically dispense soap and water, but it will also turn on a dryer once it has decided you’ve had enough hand washing! I think it was out of soap when I was there, but it was still pretty cool.
Leaving the lavatory requires only another swift punt to the big «OPEN/​CLOSE» button next to the door. Upon exiting, the door slides closed and enters its «sanitizing» cycle, where it apparently cleans the toilet and floor prior to letting the next patron enter. I’m not sure it really does the best job, but it’s a nice idea.
Also, for those in the midst of a potentially violent foot chase or an overdose, there is a handy «Push twice, call 911» button next to the toilet. Luckily I did not need to use it, but I’m sure someone’s gonna be really glad that’s there at some point.
Thanks, LA. Best public poo I’ve ever had.