Unicorn

I’ve been the manager at Unicorn since October of 2012. With great sorrow I must inform all that Unicorn is closing it’s doors forever due to a huge rent increase on Sunday February 15^th at 2:00am. Till then we have a 50% off sale on everything but poppers & pills. Fleshlights & Fleshjacks at the lowest price you will ever find. We are moving up to our brother store LES HOMMES at 217-​B West 80^th Street 2^nd floor between Broadway & Amsterdam. Many improvements will be made to bring Les Hommes up to the standards of Unicorn by mid to late March. Hope to see our wonderful patrons up there.

Unicorn is awesome. Okay, maybe not awesome like God, or the Grand Canyon, but pretty stellar. They have multiple copies of a whole bunch of weird 70s videos on VHS, like «Whacky World of Sports,» and «Christmas Evil» — an ultra-​obscure horror film about a guy, traumatized as a child by seeing his mommy make love with Santa (actual text), who becomes a serial killer. And other videos featuring pictures on the video sleeve of people with big mutton-​chops 70s haircuts. Don’t know so much about the porn selection, though the store is not huge, so it’s not a porn emporium — no 70s classics that I saw! Get your lube and giant dildos here, too. They have a back room with video booths, though it costs $ 10 to go back there! $ 10! I figure that room must have been there since before the, um, internet was created! But maybe people use it as a sex spot and get their $ 10 worth, not sure. Anyway, go to Unicorn for your gay porn and 70s-​shlock needs! … Okay, a post-​script to that review. I’m a newbie to New York, and just learned that city (or state?) law requires that porn stores sell at least some «legitimate» (i.e. non-​porn) materials, which explains the presence of 70s videos in their stock. And that also explains why those videos cost the astronomical price of $ 9.98 (when really they should go for like $ 1 at a thrift store) — it’s because they don’t actually want people to buy the videos, so they don’t have to re-​stock their «legitimate» items! Well, in spite of the fact that Unicorn’s unusual VHS selection is the result of state law, I still think it’s totally awesome.

OK, listen, I have a confession to make. I love porn. Not in like a strange creepy way, but lets put it this way– I like visuals. This place is like the mecca of gay porn. A lot video places in New York have a small gay porn section, which is totally commendable, but you have to trek to Chelsea for the full collection of every major and minor title. I went during the day, and the place was surprisingly pleasant and clean and not weird. I can’t speak for the nights when revved up Barracuda boys stumble in.
Don’t judge me, please. Statistics show that in 2002 porn grossed more than $ 12 billion dollars and that porn makes more money than Hollywood at the box office, NBC, CBS and ABC’s revenues and record sales COMBINED! I can’t be the only Unilocaler who enjoys a dirty movie or two.

Enticed by its name, I stepped into Unicorn, expecting to be transported to a magical land.
I guess it is a magical land. OF GAY PORN!
That really isn’t bad, but there was no one there and it sort of had a creepy vibe.
I was glad, however, that the alcove in the front was self-​contained so that I could browse through the bar rags in peace.