Sacramento Main Jail

As an activist for equal parenting rights I have been incarcerated in 8 different jails around the country. I will be compiling my detailed experience on this jail in the near future stay tuned and please, CHECK OUT MY OTHER JAIL REVIEWS

So. Reviewing jails is now a thing. Like AirDoC.
Nice.
Just how does one rate the quality of one’s ‘unfortunate incarceration’? Obviously phones are not allowed inside; unless of course secured for transport within the jail trunk but then that’s a whole diffa kin a Unilocalin going on.
So I’m guessing it probably goes down as it has since old school time immortal:
The Proxy Fat Chick.
Old reliable… Miss PFC of The Window Phone with her Bad Spiral Perm, Deep Seated Emotional Issues and an iPad that flashes her Man’s Release Date as a Countdown Clock Screen Saver.
She reads thru the questions with a level of concentration oft seen in someone passing a stone; ending each with a slight uptick raise of her voice to punctuate the air in which she fills visually by performing the Synchronised Gratuitous Hair Flip of Pregnant Pause.
‘In thinking of your most recent cavity search, would you say the KY was sufficiently warmed, insufficiently warmed or not warmed at all?”
(Voice upticks and hair flips)
«And still considering this recent visit, did the shared accommodations within your POD exceed expectations, meet expectations or fail to delight?»
«Were your hosts less arrogant than usual, as arrogant as usual or as arrogant as can be expected of a dude with short man syndrome and ¾th’s a real cop’s badge?»
«Now prior to your initial White Power Shower Hour, was a candy bar placed upon your bunk and in a conspicuous location that was easy for you to find?»
«And lastly, did one of our trustees explain to you the hospitality suite reach around service and Good Celli Sleeps on his Belly policy he offers?»
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these meals totaly suck! the acomadations super suck!! please do not go there unless u truly have
the next right thang! stay out the way!!!

I, unfortunately, have a wealth of experience when it comes to reviewing either the vast California higher educational system (4 Junior Colleges and 2 Cal State Universities), and the even more vast California penal system (6 or 7 different local jails).
Having said that, the jail experiences are worse than the college ones. For the absolute worst jail experience the award goes to the downtown jail in Sacramento. If you really want to get scared straight, spend a few nights here. If your only offense is being married to a wife that tends to get s#$*-faced drunk and call the cops for no reason who then show up and arrest the male rather than the hammered and crazy wife, well then, you are out of luck.
The only cure for this malady is divorce. Better divorce than jail!!!

Stopped by for a quick visit, not very fun, poor food, bad service and don’t forget to breath big deep breaths so u can taste the t. b in the air lol… this hotel gets a zero in my book… oh and laundry gets washed with mop heads so ur clothing smells extra nice. lol

Officer Andersen and night shift crew on Fridays are very friendly ! Always have ways to brighten up people’s mood. Also the visits lasts for 45 mins, not shorter like the day shift

Gotta say. Pretty awesome. They even picked me up from my home and took me in, what customer service. When I arrived I received a complimentary new wardrobe before my photo op, which I thought was very classic. Made some friends, sang some songs. Only minor complaint was my phone bill was pretty high. Other than that top-​notch experience

A five star hotel with free accommodations, free breakfast, and free lunch? Hell, they even give you a free ride here and pick you anywhere in the greater Sacramento area. Sometimes they even come knocking down your door and take you here all free of charge. They give you a nice little pat down on arrival, relieve you all un-​pleasantries such as your belt and shoe laces to get you all comfortable at the benches. They even take your photo for free and provide you with a nice fingerprinting service.
You can have nice conversation with your chauffeur about your life before he processes you to go to your nice little room with nice little metal bars and tells you to stick around for a couple hours and chill out. He’s even nice enough to let other guests in to keep you company just in case you get lonely or bored. Several hours later he’ll even come back and check on you to see how you’re doing and with a smile… It’s not often you get that level of service anymore out there.
While you marinate in the cozy rooms with the interesting but never dull characters they come and give your first free meal. Scrambled eggs? Sure! Oatmeal? Yep, present! Milk? Uh-​huh! Hash browns? Boo yeah jackpot! And you share these with your new found mates inside that cozy room while one or two of them relieve themselves from the readily and conveniently located latrines. It sure makes «going» very efficient and you don’t even have to flush.
If the room gets too crowded, no worries, you get transferred to another room where they give you a nice little memorabilia bracelet and join a group of people wearing orange shirts and pants. They’re a lively bunch, talkative, some may yell and shout at you but they mean well. Once you’re settled in, you have the new room to enjoy for another 12 hours before you sober up from the previous night’s festivities and then you move on about your business.
There is one minor flaw, they’re too over eager to relieve you of your cellphone therefore you cannot check-​in. With this flaw comes a major flaw, no one can become the DUKE of this place… but then again if I became duke I probably do have major issues.

This place is whack. Straight up whack. Don’t get arrested. The floors are cold and moist. Yes, MOIST. It’s disgusting. How does concrete feel moist? The smell is of piss, sperm, and vomit all at once. Hovering is out of the question, you are gonna touch that filth. The sheriffs treat you like shit, but that’s cuz you are just another drunk/​burnout/​ingrate. You might meet an NBA player or coach, but other than that f#$!@ this place.

I was in shock at the standards of this facility when I recently had to come here to visit a family member who was incarcerated.
The officer who worked the front desk didn’t seem to know what he was doing, he had several issues while trying to give me a visitor’s pass. I went up to the floor to visit my family member and was informed that two of the booths were not in service, but I could try them. After banging the receiver in my hand a couple of times the phone started working. The entire time I was visiting my family member I could barely hear a thing he was saying because there were two children running around screaming and climbing on everything in sight, no one seemed to care about that. They were also smashing the receivers, so maybe that’s why they weren’t working. Ever heard of controlling you’re kids? This is the reason I don’t want to have children, I don’t want to bring them into a world like this.
A couple of days later I went to my family member’s arraignment and the jail was on lock down because the power had being turning on and off for two days. TWO DAYS!?! They couldn’t figure the problem out for two days? That’s a scary thought. Court was supposed to start at 8:30am and didn’t start until well after 10:00am, which I found out is a regularly occurring thing.
My family member informed me that they were not getting their medicine, had a 102 degree fever and during this time had to sleep on the floor on the medical unit, because it was so overcrowded. How sad and disgusting.
I’ve never seen such low standards in my life.

Went on a tour and sat with a deputy for a few hours. Shout out to Five West! Woot woot!
Anyways, the deputies were very professional and polite. I have been in several jails, the booking area here was kind of a mess, but who gives a shit? Its jail, it shouldn’t be a Holiday Inn.
The women’s unit had ladies sleeping in a rec room. Nice. They really cram them in here, perhaps they should look into adding a new tower behind the current jail.
Overall, very professional staff.