St Louis Public Library

It’s a pretty quaint and basic library, but it gets the job done. I don’t know what to say about the areas without sounding more like a description than a review. The children’s area has short shelves and a small play area in front of a long-​discontinued fireplace, a shelf of children’s DVDs, sometimes including the not-​so-​kid-​friendly-​but-​not-​as-​dirty-​as-​it-​probably-​sounds Peach Girl. There’s no video game set-​up in the teen area like at the central branch, bit that’s fine with me since I’m not allowed to use it anyway … because I’m not a kid, never mind that they didn’t have all this cool stuff in libraries when I was! It’s like a slap in the face constantly reminding me of what I always have and always will miss out on because I was born at the wrong time, and I missed out on adult sections of video stores as well, so screw you, society, I hate your damn guts! But I digress. Seriously though, I’m not paying ten bucks to rent a porno from an adult store. Good God, I hate Missouri and all this «traditional family values» crap that infests the so-​called Midwest! Am I the only one who actually knows that we’re actually east of the center of the country, even if you don’t count the locations of Hawaii and Alaska?!
Anyway, yeah, it’s a good library and I go there all the time, almost every week, though that might have more to do with the short distance from my house.
You know what?! I’m not done! First I was too young to do anything fun, now I’m too damn old! Screw you, society! I don’t believe in hell, but if it exists, I hope you rot in it! I don’t give a damn about sports, smoking, and alcohol! I just want to have fun! Is that too damn much to ask?! … This review is so doomed to be deleted. Maybe it won’t even get past moderation.
So back to the library. Yeah, it’s pretty small, but it has books (duh), DVDs, VHS tapes, video games, and even Blu-​ray discs. And if you don’t see what you want, you can probably request it, except for the Blu-​ray discs; you can’t put any of them on request. If the one you want is at another branch, you’ll just have to go to that branch and hope someone else doesn’t check it out before you get there, but that goes for all of the St Louis Public Library branches.
Like every branch that had a computer area, the computers at this location no longer have accessible CD and DVD players. I was told it’s to prevent installing malicious software, as if a disc is the only way to get a virus onto a computer. Next thing, they might even disable the USB ports and restrict the internet usage even further. Thanks a lot, hackers! That’s sarcasm, by the way!

Generally speaking, the Carpenter branch of STL’s library system is lovely. It’s got wifi problems that have increasingly forced me to try out other branches, however.
The library on Grand is beautiful inside and out. This stately building is separated into obvious sections for children’s and youth books, audio/​visual materials, reserved computers and the general adult section (Fiction, biographies, how-​tos and such — not «adult» like sites on teh interwebz mean). The adult and youth book selections are plentiful, and it’s rare that I have to request books from other branches through the interlibrary system (I have to do this with DVDs, though).
I like the self-​serve book checkout kiosks. When the library emails me to say that my requested books are in, I simply pick them up from the shelf designated for holds, swipe them through a kiosk and am on my way in minutes. The librarians behind the counter are helpful if you have a large stack of books and don’t want to do the self-​checkout thing, or if you have questions.
There’s plenty of seating in this branch. I like to plop into the cushiony chairs by the south window for a few hours, but the tables with outlets are nice, too.
This branch has a few cons, though.
* Wifi: It’s just not the best here. Sometimes I cruise along at crazy speeds, but most of the time, web pages and videos take way longer than they should to load. I once timed the load time for
, and it took 21 minutes. This has happened both during peak library times AND times when I’m sharing the space with only four other patrons. I think the wifi signal is weak and the router often flicks off. I once asked what the deal was in the middle of my upload to the RFT’s CMS (something that was taking 15 minutes instead of seconds), and I was told 1) they would not check the router, 2) their wifi was fine, 3) too many people were on wifi and 4) it was my fault for having several browser tabs open. Explain any of that to me, please. Anyway, now when I’m filing a story on deadline, I head elsewhere because I can’t trust that my stuff will safely upload here.
* Printing: It’s awesome that you can print 200 pages per month for free, but boy is it a nightmare. If your stuff is online, you have to go to one of the special machines in the print area (children’s section), log on, queue up your stuff, go over the printer, log on there, and print things out. If you have graphics that aren’t online, you’ll have to put them onto a USB drive, find the one print machine that will accept USB, and then go through all the rigamorole above. It’s not like other library systems where you can print whatever you want and then pick up your stuff and pay at the front desk. This complicated system is in place for (as far as I know) all of the SLPL branches (The Maecheck branch doesn’t even accept USB drives).
* Loud: Being on Grand, this library sometimes sees high traffic. That’s fine; it happens. But the patrons here apparently don’t understand library etiquette as well as people in other branches. Stay for an hour, and you’ll be inundated with ringtones, phone conversations, parents yelling at kids and noisy teenagers laughing at YouTube. This is not a quiet place. Chances also are good that someone reeking of cigarette smoke will sit directly next to you (despite the 10 empty chairs nearby) and possibly ask you for money.

WHOA.
I seriously just made the most amazing discovery. Now I’m quite the early adopter, so all you laggards try to keep up. But basically I just found out that St. Louis Public Library has these files that you can download from their website onto your computer. You can then take these files and put them on a device called an «MP3 player» (named as such because the files are called MP3s, and said devices play these files). You then take these mini ear-​shaped speakers and plug them into the device, attaching the speakers to your ear, and voila! You are listening to an audio recording of your favorite, or Oprah’s favorite, book!
Seriously. Wow. I am astonished. I mean I’ve heard of this before, but I’ve never done it. And like. Whoa.
So, let me recap:
–You don’t have to pay 30 bucks for the latest blockbuster books anymore.
–You don’t have to go to douche central, Barnes and Noble, anymore.
–You don’t have to wait three years to get the book after you reserve it through the online public library hold system.
–And you don’t even have to read the Goddamn book, because somebody reads it to you.
FINALLY technology is improving my life!!!
I predict this phenomenon will catch on.

I am so one of those people who forget about the one way street to get to this library. What I tend to do is pull in Planned Parenthood then cut across. It hasn’t failed me yet, fingers crossed.
Every time I come here, I usually am here to check out books or to use the internet on the free computers. Unfortunately, everyone else who comes here to use the computers tend to want to use their cell phones too. Don’t expect this to be a quiet library. It is generally more quiet in the common areas than in the computer lab.
The books that you can check out are in good condition. I’m glad for this because it shows they want to provide good quality to their borrowers.
The library staff are very helpful. I always appreciate when they greet me when the see me and that they’re willing to do what they can to help assist people who come into the library.
I really like Carpenter. Hopefully they can make it better in the computer lab soon.

I stopped by here about a week ago because I needed to print something out from my email account, and I was in the area. That, and I’m on a mission to visit all of the STL city libraries.
If you really want to read how much I rhapsodize about the library, you can check out my Central Branch review. The St. Louis library system is really awesome, in my opinion.
Regarding this location, though.
Pros:
Lots of new selections
Lots of seating and university library style tables
Self Check-​Out
Parking lot included.
Really cool architecture.
Cons:
Location. It’s pretty dark there outside at night. Also, if you park in the parking lot, you have to come to Grand via a side street. The side streets that border the library and intersect Grand are one-​ways. So Utah heads away from the library and the other one comes towards the library and the parking lot. Man, it’s a long block when you need to circle around.
It’s pretty dark inside too.
Only about 20 computers for public use. Call ahead. And they are always booked. Also, the sound on all the computers are still all on, which you would think they would have fixed by now, but I guess it’s easier to leave them be than get questions on how to turn the volume on.
Xerox machines are 15 cents/​copy.

Okay… so I actually went here to get a book this time.
It was actually a prop for a Halloween costume. I ended up dressing up as a Freudian Slip (just what it sounds like… a slip with Freudian things written on it) and I went here to pick up a book by Freud that I could carry around with my costume. I’ve dressed up as this before and that year I carried around a worn hardcover copy of «The Interpretation of Dreams» from my university’s library and it worked really well.
I wasn’t able to find anything on my own so I figured I was just looking in the wrong place, so I solicited the help of the librarian. I told her I want «something written by Sigmund Freud.» She looked it up, took me over to the shelf, and pulled out the only thing she could find related to Freud. It was called «Introducing Freud.»
It was a comic book.
She bustled around and looked somewhere else and pulled up some other bio on Freud that was paperback, about 100 pages, and looked to be about a 6^th grade reading level.
She then asked me if that’s what I needed. I said, «Um, actually, I’m looking for something written BY him. His works.» She looked taken aback and said, «You want something written BY him??» Uh, yes? «I don’t think we have that.» Surely enough they had nothing.
She offered to order it from another branch for me (which did me no good because I needed it for a party that night) but honestly, how can you not carry anything written by the most famous psychoanalytic in history?
A comic book?! Seriously?!
Kind of revealing of the population to which this place caters…
Really disappointing.

So I’ve been knocked out by the stomach flu and can’t eat anything spicier than white rice or bananas. No new restaurant reviews for me! I thought I’d lay on the couch and watch movies. But instead of going to Blockbuster, I just whipped out my library card and headed to Carpenter. You can get four dvds at a time, which is all you really need in a week, right? I’m a huge fan of the classics and film noir, and the SLPL has plenty of ‘em at every branch. Carpenter has a nice selection, and if you really want a title in their database, they’ll transfer it to whichever branch you want for pick-​up. I just finished «Nightmare Alley» with Tyrone Power and I’ll throw in the original «The Wicker Man» to give me the creeps. So save your cash and mosey on down to the library for some great viewing.

For several years, this was the library I frequented. There’s a lot of familiar faces that work there and it was just about two blocks from the house I lived in on Cherokee Street. I don’t live in that ‘hood anymore, and sometimes I’m a little sad that I don’t really go there anymore. I still can, I go to the South Grand area, but I do live near my favorite library, the Schlafly Branch in the CWE now, so I usually just bike over there.
Carpenter is a smallish library. Actually, it’s much bigger than it looks on the outside, and I’m not sure, but I think they might have the best kids and young adults section, including what appears to be a fine selection of age appropriate graphic novels. So, it’s a little on the small side, but not nearly as tiny as a few branches (like that minuscule one on Skinker). I would often go to browse and would always leave with something good.
If your computer dies or you just don’t have one, don’t forget about the computer room, where you can check out hour blocks of time for internet browsing. The one bad thing with that is that often, a lot of younger folks are in there and they can get a little loud. One time, a girl was looking at something (probably someone’s myspace page) and that ridiculous song that I’ve maybe only heard at lesbian bars that goes something like «My neck/​my back/​lick my **** and my crack» started blaring from her computer. She looked pretty horrified. I guess telling that little anecdote is pretty irrelevant.