Fai’s Noodle Bar Restaurant

The food I have had from Fai’s has always been good!

It sounds like this place has had a makeover since the Unilocaler below visited, but sadly I can report that it still serves revolting food.
I too was desperate for food, just before getting a train. I presume this is how they catch people. I saw an elaborate water feature, a large dining area hung with lanterns, snazzy leather seats in the takeaway section and I thought ‘this place must be making decent money to have been kitted out so recently in such a bling fashion. The food might be good. How exciting’.
It is very confusing. How have they afforded to kit it out in such a snazzy way, with real fish and neon lights? Real fish I tell you. How can the food be so nasty when it describes itself as a ‘modern Chinese and Japanese diner’ and the menu looked so long and interesting?
I ordered the veggie bento box to go. I had a forkful of everything. I threw it all away except half of the clumped, reheated rice, which I forced down my gullet out of necessity. I am not going to itemise the misery, but let me leave you with one image…
Sweet and sour vegetables — fluorescent orange sauce — peach coloured polystyrene tray — thick, wibbly film of clear gelatine sitting on top like one of those hygiene stickers in a new pair of knickers.

Nasty food … sorry!

Tasty options, good value. Very casual.

Worst Chinese food I had in Colchester. Why can’t I rate it zero star?

If you love good food, let alone Oriental cusuine, and haven’t eaten here then you are really, and I mean really, missing out. Having rave reviews in the local press does not always mean that a resturant will live up to the hype, but in this case there is no doubt. Nestled near to Colchester Town station, the resturant is large, well lit and decorated in a mixture of ancient & contemporary Oriental styles. In layout it follows the catina style of benches around a mixture of large and small tables, rather than individual seating. This allows for a pleasant meal for one or two, or a much larger party of several people. The food here is excellent and there is a huge range of freshly prepared dishes to chooose from. Whilst not particularly cheap, they are very good value for money as the portions offered are very substantial. For around the £10 mark you get a large bowl of Princess soup for example. This means that if you ordered a starter as well you may find yourself very full indeed. Be warned! The staff are curtious, proffivient and helpful, many being of Oriental extraction themselves. The clientelle varies from office workers coming in for a mid-​week lunch, to couples wanting a romantic night out to families wanting good value. The local Chinese students from nearby Essex University are often to be seen enjoying the cuisine, praise indeed if more were needed. All in all this is one resturant well worth the effort of investigating.

Just as I rarely give out 5 star ratings, I am even more cautious about unfairly slamming a restaurant with the worst rating possible. Every once in a great while, you will encounter a place that truly deserves a trouncing.
First off, let me say that I tried this place out of desperation. My expectations were low, especially considering that the sign out front proclaimed: «Chinese/​Japanese Cuisine». I’d know better than to eat at a place that proclaimed to be a «Mexican/​Italian» restaurant…
Anyway, my ravenous hunger for something resembling East Asian Cuisine led me inside. Already, I regretted it. The place stank. It reeked of rancid grease and some unidentifiable body odor. The person who greeted me claimed to be the owner; he was a Greek fellow. Again, I fought the urge to run out of the narrow little shop. It’s quite possible he spent a significant time in the Far East and learned from monks in a hidden mountain temple. It could happen. But there was not a single other soul was eating there; another bad sign. Perhaps out of pity, I ordered chow mein noodles for take away.
I settled the bill, walked outside and tried a bite. I’ve never had noodles that were so greasy, they they turned the styrofoam container orange. They also tasted strongly of chips. I suspect Spartacus back there might have been running a fish and chips store on the other side of the building.
A word to the wise, better to starve than take a chance at this dodgy little hole.