Viper

When I first came to Glasgow I literally lived across the road from here and back then I stayed with a few other flat mates where none of us ever went inside but back then it had another name «Clatty Pats».
Towards the weekend we used to watch the goings on across the road that was better than watching the tv, back then you only came here if you got turned away from everywhere else.
One weekend recently I somehow ended up here, entry fee £6.00 cheesy chart music all night, not my sort of thing, we only managed to stay half an hour.

Ohh viper, the place where I reluctantly spent many a night out with one of Glasgow Uni’s unions whilst trying to find my niche. The place where it’s either just you and the barman, or you and seemingly every fresher in murano. The place where drinks are cheap and watery and get spilt on you within minutes of walking up the stairs.
What can I say? The first time I came here a girl in a fanny-​skimming dress and 6inch heels was sick on herself and then carried on dancing. The music is pretty awful chart stuff played in 30 second intervals (expect to hear Rihanna at least 4 times per night), everyone is always far, far too drunk, and i’ve seen it as bad as 7 deep at the bar.
It’s a popular spot for sports club nights out so expect to see 18 year olds in smurf costumes snogging the facepaint off eachother, or to be hit on by a paralytic hockey player in a hawaiian shirt.
Positives? Errr… it’s close to BBQ Kings? And probably close to home for many West Enders like myself. If you’re REALLY REALLY DRUNK and you bring lots of friends and laugh at how ridiculous everything is, you might have an okay time.
I’ve heard they have ping pong in the day which legit sounds really good.

I was iiinnn thhheee cllluuubbb at four o’clock today.
Understandably, it’s tempting to say I was partying with my bee-​yatches, all through the afternoon.
Alas, in a pathetically frank admission, I was really picking up a fleece I’d left in the cloakroom.
I decided to update this review because the manager, who I spoke to on the phone, then met at the door, couldn’t have been nicer. He stopped his paperwork to rummage through the clothes, and hand me my top without so much as a grumble.
It’s these small touches that deserve recognition. Good job, Vipes!

I really love Viper.
I was skeptical at first because it’s not down in city centre like all the other clubs are, but Viper is gold. It is a bit small compared to other more popular clubs, but it adds to the atmosphere. Although it’s small it’s never packed so much to the brim that you can’t move or start feeling like you’re being molested because everyone is so closely packed together (how I often feel at the Garage, Bamboo, etc.)
Anyway, the drinks are decently priced, it doesn’t take ages to get an order in, and the music is A+, especially on Fuel For the Weekend (Friday nights). The crowd is mainly uni students (not so many first years as other clubs though) and a bit of the «older» crowd as in mid-​20s. It’s a good club to go to if you don’t want to wait ages in queue and want some good dance music with your mates.

What are you looking for when you visit a night club? Some people might just be looking for somewhere to go so that they can keep drinking after the pubs are shut. Some like to go somewhere busy so that they can ‘eye up the talent’ with the prospect of a new relationship.
Most people that visit a night club on a Sunday night are probably just looking for a drink and a dance because they don’t have any work or lectures the next day. Viper knows that Sunday night is not going to be as busy as Friday or Saturday nights, but they still put on a full dance programme. There is dry ice, flashy lights, but, best of all, top class DJ’s playing the most up-​to-​date dance music.
The rest of the place is a nice comfortable lounge with a long bar, but, the dance floor was where everyone was. The average age of the punters was about twenty. They were all having a good time on the dance floor, not even bothering to put their drinks down first, making a lovely unique ‘Jackson Pollock’ pattern on the floor.
If it’s a good dance and a drink that you’re after, go to the Viper night club.

Had a great night out with the girls and will definately be back soon. Good crowd, great music, and lots of hot guys to gawp over! Gem of a place for late night drinking in the west end with great drink promos too, top marks!

Watching the queues form outside Viper at the weekend is hilarious — I do not know how they fit such a large amount of students in the one small dancing space.
It happens with great difficulty, from what I can remember of the odd, horrible Saturday I spent in here. It was stuffy, high maintenance and too expensive for being somewhere with one foot out the city centre. I used to work close by and came in purely because it was the only place open in this area after midnight, and felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb since I’m not the kind of girl who can always be assed wearing heels or putting on a ton of lipstick war paint. I’m too chilled out to listen to the vain girls ramble on about some bullcrap student love triangle in the bombsite bathrooms while their pal violently wretches up Glens vodka in the cubicle. I couldn’t even be bothered with that when I was a student.
You try and drown out that kind of mince by dancing but the tunes are bland, the same ones over and over as far as I can remember. speaking of, Over and Over by Hot Chip was played to death in here for 2 years running — move with the times guys, come on!
So you may wonder why I gave it three stars as opposed to one. Objectively, at least a nightclub for students exists in this end of the city that isn’t affiliated with the uni. It’s not too expensive. There’s a taxi rank and bouncers outside, so it’s safe. They do Red Stripe cans for ridiculously cheap prices. The kids seem to love it.
But I seldom frequent Viper anymore because the music is constantly mainstream, a lot of the clientele are posers, it lacks personality, the dance floor is cramped when it’s busy, you have to wrestle with rugby boys to get to the bar. Call me bitter, but I’m now an elder compared to the 18 year old girls and distressingly, I find myself wanting to cover the queuing ones up with my jacket as they stand shivering, scantily clad in spangly dresses in the middle of winter. Admittedly, I wonder why they bother with this festering pool of tangled bodies and blistering music.
But some students like it. If you like Amy Winehouse, cheap vodka and good looking people (for a night) then aye, you’ll love it. The Flight of the Conchord’s song Leggy Leggy Blonde was written about the girls here so there’s a magnetic string of guys eager to tap that. I don’t blame them — the girls are gorgeous. It’s just too packed at the weekend to ever meet them.
So if you’re into it, I’d recommend week nights. There’s more freedom to dance, better tunes, cheaper booze and more chance to get your flirty banter on the go since you’ll actually be able to see the bar. It’s a bit like the Garage on Tuesday in miniature.

A club that rose from the ashes of Clatty Pats’, Viper tends to take its punters from the Hollyoaks side of the Hollyoaks /​Dostoevsky divide that splits Glasgow University in half. If you’re young and studenty you’ll love it in here as the booze is cheap and the tunes pretty good for a mainstream club, but I’m getting on in years a bit to be appreciating places like Viper to their fullest.
I’ve good memories of the place and I met the ball ‘n’ chain in here many moons ago, so full marks it is.

The Viper stands out as it is the only proper nightclub for the student age group in the west end of Glasgow that isn’t part of Glasgow University. In fact it seems like the only building full stop in the west end that isn’t part of Glasgow Uni. Staying for much of my student life in the west end, this is why I have ended up here on several nights out.
I agree with one of the other reviewers — this place is either very busy or completely dead. It seems to depend on whether or not university is open or whether it is exam time — during the holidays the place is notably quieter. Because it is a very small club, there is only one bar and during busy times it can be a nightmare to get served. Thankfully there are often cheap drink offers like a pound for a vodka mix or can of Heineken, though apart from these offers the drinks are quite pricey, especially so for it being a popular student club.
The dancefloor is also far too small. There was even one time I went here and the music kept cutting out before the DJ decided to eventually throw in the towel and the club closed down for the night. It is more pleasant usually to sit on one of the seats. Due to the fact it is a small club all in one single room, with the first main area being all seating, it looks more like a pub than a club (usually in reviews I talk about pubs pretending they’re clubs).
The biggest problem with the Viper is that it only opens until 2am. This is not good enough for any nightclub.
The Viper is a decent place, but given that it is the only student club in the west end it could be so much better.

You know the story; it’s a Monday night. It’s 11pm. You’ve found yourself drinking with friends, someone mentions going out. You decide this is the best plan, like, ever, but where is close by, that’s cheap, and that will cater to your drunken needs???
One place, and one place only. Viper (formally Clatty Pats).
You arrive at 11.30pm. You stand in a queue while the bouncer looks you and your mates up and down. He waves you in. You pay £3. You can hear the «beats» before you even get upstairs. You walk in. It’s either crowded or dead (there is no middle ground here). Tonight it’s packed. The bar is 20 people deep. You wait it out. You get to the bar, order 15 vodka lemonades («That’ll be £15») (who knows when you’ll get back to the bar!?). You pass them back to your friends through the crowd. Everyone is starting to annoy you. You push past with the final 3 drinks. Some jock knocks them out your hand, all over your dress. You do not look impressed. He apologises drunkenly then laughs. You move past him and his mates. You and your friends manœuvre your way to the dance floor. You dance. The music changes. It’s the popular music of today. Great. You laugh. You drink. The dance floor is now packed. You can’t shuffle, far less dance. This does not bode well. You are now grumpy. Some fool who actually has space to dance keeps bumping into you, and a large girl in a bright pink tight mini-​dress has pierced your foot with her stiletto for the 12^th time. It’s time to go home. You fight your way to leave. You don’t stop until you get home. You say «let’s not do that again for a while». You’re friends agree. It’s only 1am.
You do it all again the next week. And the next, because secretly, you actually love it.
End scene.

3 – 5 quid drinks. Small bar, with odd dance floor layout. Small dance floor by the DJ booth with all the lights and such then a wierd milling area by the bar.
The drinks were good as far as I can remember. Nothing memorable, but good for the price.
We closed the place down, well as far as I can remember.
Overall great place to go with if you are pretty good and lite and witha good crowd. Not so great for a place to warm up, if you are the sober one, or if you only have a small crew. We went on a friday night and the place was relatively empty. I remember stumbling around and not hitting a soul