Welcome Lodge

Its hard to find this place as it has Days Inn on the outside not welcome lodge!
We enter reception, there is an irate customer getting more furious and has obviously been grossly misled during booking.
We ask how to get to our hotel, a very uncaring assistant informs us THIS IS IT, they don’t have a sign as it is for «Their discount bookings which is for the old motel type rooms at the front» Now starting to understand the customer to our lefts anger.
After generally being one of the worst hotel receptionists of all time we discover we do have a booking here and they will sort us out, once they are done telling the other customer how its «not their problem».
We then start are own arguments about how much we are paying for our room, this went on for some time but we had proof printed so eventually sort it out.
Once we are happy we are paying correct amounts and getting what we expected we are given two of the most well used breakfast vouchers known to man. I should point out we are paying about £20 for this room so not expecting too much but this is still a HUGE disappointment and this is merely the start! We ask if there is a bar «Yes it is open until 23:00».
We make our way to our room, these are doors direct to the car park in a two tier stack like a movie motel. The balcony is so full of cobwebs it feels like we have entered the set of Raiders of the lost ark. My friend struggles to open our door partly due to a worn lock and partly due to the door handle barely being attached, after reception and now this we start to giggle and wonder what we have got ourselves into.
We enter the room and its fairly basic and seems fairly clean, not the end of the world. It is hotter than some saunas i have encountered, we open all the windows and start to unpack. At this point i notice there is a tv and no freeview box so no tv to actually watch. My friend goes to the bathroom and i hear a few noises and increasing laughter as i discover i cannot plug my camera charger in as the desk is to close to the socket to allow the charger plug to fit! I then discover the laughter is due to the towel rail being as loose as the door handle and various items in the bathroom being broken, missing etc. I take to the bathroom, by this time both rooms are filled with laughter as the list of disasters continues to add up, with a crescendo being that the toilet paper holder comes off in my hand and my friend tells me he put it back for me to share his amusement.
We return downstairs, the bar has just bottles, we sit watching tv amusing ourselves greatly with the experience so far. The bar maid informs us the bar is open until 23:00. As we purchase our second beer the receptionist appears and informs the bar maid the bar is now Closing at 22:00, its 21:58! However we can buy beer from reception if we wish?!
The bar is about £3 a bottle, reception is £4 after some argument we tell them to stuff it.
Back in the room we search for alternative plug sockets, none but the desk area, however upon sitting on his bed my friend with a smirk asks me to try the plug at the far end just to humour him. IT FITS PERFECTLY?! The desk is so sloped the space is greater one end. This brings us to tears, realising the tea cups are vastly different sizes there is one biscuit, coffee, tea bag all for two people, so many issues i forget.
Our hopes were not high for breakfast. We queued for some time, awaiting breakfast trays to actually have food in them, a young lad who appeared to be running the restaurant alone seems to have little to no idea that anyone stood there actually expected a breakfast! We handed over our poor excuses for vouchers and put acceptable things onto our plates. The coffee was worse than AWFUL. I took my cutlery and that only left a knife, We asked for a fork, which led to the highlight of our stay, «No mate, and i am not sure what i am going to do about it to be honest» was the reply. We were no longer surprised by anything but a restaurant with no FORKS, i advised he would «Need to get MORE forks!» We glanced behind us to a line of raised eyebrow customers now all wondering how they would eat with no forks. We sat to eat and my friend tried to eat a fry up using a piece of toast to little success. A lady from another table passed us a fork as they had a spare one! However a couple of breakfast items were actually tasty and enough to keep us going till lunch time.
I am not sure how to summarize this review really, it was very cheap and you get what you pay for? We did not die, we laughed so hard my stomach hurt and we continued to laugh for about 3 days after and still discuss it now. We decided that we would actually stay there again sometime as the price was right, it was a good laugh and we almost want to see if it could be that awful consistently!