Cafe Vincent

GYPSY ALERT! GYPSY ALERT!
Unfortunately the only people who end up at this place are dumb tourists like me… No one would actually research this place then come there.
We were snagged by the gypsy at the front door offering us «2 for 1» drinks. All of the people who work here have bad english on purpose so they can mislead you and then play stupid.
I asked the gypsy 3 times to verify the deal. I said «we buy 2 drinks and pay for one?» Gyspsy says yes yes, but it must be BIG drink and then kind of mumbles something else. My girlfriend actually kind of heard what she said but didn’t want to speak up.
So we ordered the two big drinks that took us 45 minutes to finish and we’re ready for the check. The waitress says «you don’t want more, or one more for the road?» We say no and you can see the gypsy waitress start to get scared because she knows she’s in in for an ass whooping.
They bring the bill and it’s $ 63 for two drinks!!!
So the real deal was «2 for 1 PER PERSON» So each person is supposed to drink two of these big ass drinks that cost $ 24 each… Then they add to typical Miami bullsh** 18% gratuity on top of that… Needless to say I flipped out on the gypsy who continued to play stupid. Eventually I had to tell her dummy GM who had a ridiculous French accent that we would pay for one $ 24 drink and nothing more, take it or leave.
He eventually took it. Avoid this place like Swine Flu and the Plague combined!

So bad! How does this place stay in business in such a prime location?
1. The «50% off» and «2 for 1» advertising are smoke and mirrors ploys to get butts on their seats. The actual items subject to these offers are not those we would have normally considered ordering. We were so tired following a day of travelling we thought «how bad can it be on Ocean Drive?»…this was a mistake.
2. The margherita pizza arrived. I’ve been to Italy and I’ve been to many a pizzeria in the US (good and bad) but never has a margherita pizza meant a boxed, frozen, store bought, cheese pizza — I wouldn’t eat it at home and I certainly don’t expect it at a restaurant. I haven’t seen junk like this in a restaurant since I was a poverty stricken student.
3. The pasta bolognese wasn’t bad! However the sauce was a meat sauce and certainly no bolognese… there is a distinct difference Café Vincent… look it up!
4. The service was just non-existent…there weren’t many customers, just what were the wait staff doing???
5. I couldn’t pay by credit card since their machine was broken so the waitress directed me to an ATM. It cost $ 3 to withdraw cash so I subracted that from the already very meagre tip… I think I’m usually quite generous but under 10% seemed fitting on this occasion.
Now, much of this could have been avoided had we seen the warning signs and not resorted to ordering pizza and pasta. In reality we had arrived on a late flight, we were tired and the menu really did not offer a heck of a lot of choice. Let’s just say we paid the price.

This place was *this* close to hustling us into eating lunch there.
We sat down after being convinced they had the best «deals» on the strip… Half price menu and 2 for 1 drinks… Not so great when you sit down and realize only SOME items are half price with insanely jacked up prices — I mean $ 20 personal pizzas and $ 20 salads. Also, mixed drinks were $ 14, and Miller Lights were $ 7… Two for one ain’t much of deal with prices like that. After being ignored for 5 minutes and having time to process the menu we bolted… The host was livid, flailing arms and all… Not today sucka!

On a very recent trip to South Beach, we stayed at the hotel that «hosts» this Café. So, for convenience we chose to have breakfast there after our first night. BIG mistake.
Here are just a few examples of why our experience was so poor at this restaurant:
1. We ordered two plastic bottles of water as to be able to provide hydration whilst on the beach in the blistering heat of the day. The waitress brought us gargantuan glass bottles (that no doubt would have cost at least $ 15-​$ 20 a piece) and when we declined them she spent a good several minutes trying to convince us that taking 12 inch tall glass bottles onto the public beach was totally fine.
2. The cottage cheese and tropical fruit platter looked appetizing enough. Except for the fact that the cottage cheese was plainly spoiled. When we returned it we were met with poor attitudes (whispering behind the bar about the validity of our claim etc…) and no willingness to amend our bill or give us any sort of discount. Not even an apology…
3. The coffee… I can’t be certain, because I didn’t see them making the coffee but it was awful. It tasted very much like instant coffee (both the regular coffee and the espresso). That is completely unacceptable in a city that claims to cater to the rich and famous! Coming from the SF area, I have access to good coffee pretty much everywhere I go. And in a place like South Beach, I expect similar options.

It is a sorry state of affairs when you are the only table eating at a restaurant and the waitstaff cannot be found. My table of 7 ordered cocktails all around and it took them twenty minutes to bring the drinks. We were the only ones there!
On the way back around the Ocean Drive walk loop, we saw absolutely no one eating there while everywhere else was jam-​packed. For good reason!