M Club

First up, i am not going to lie i have never had the nerve to venture inside this place! Which is saying a lot for someone who once consumed a moth in a game of dares! Boke, yes! Anyway, i am reviewng this solely on the sheer diasters i have to beat my way through every saturday night to get home! Skirts hoisted up their arses, marys hanging out! Cellilute city! The men in the staple stripped shirts, each in a different colour! Its like the all log on to face book and send out a mass email saying name, and shirt colour for tonight lol anyway, there is always some girl lying crying in her own vomit against the wall, while some drunken idiot runs around flasing litttle tom thumb! Seriously, the crowd is that young i would honestly struggle to tell yu who has hit puberty and who hasnt! Anyway, in the bus shelter opposite there is always a crowd hoovered around some with a chip while the rest run around like they are in the grand national whipping each other and everyne else for that matter with 20p roses their boyfriends got them off the romanians, treating the woman right! then once you think you have got passed, and finally for the first time ever not been verbally abused, there outside the spar is the group of fucks who just have to say something! Anything, it can even be ere, you, youve got two lips ahahahahha here mate shes got two lips hahahha two fucking lips! Yea, as i said anything! So now, take all this crowd and rewind 2 hours and imagine them in the one room! Yeah, fuck that!

M Club is a bit of an anachronism. The main thing it is known for is its «groovy train» night which is basically a hugely cheesy 70s themed night out. The main pre requisite for enjoying this is to be absolutely off your face because the only people who are going to actually enjoy this music are the same age as my mum.
I do not like the M Club. I have noticed on the few times I have been here that the upstairs has possibly the stickiest floor that I have eve r walked on. Drinkis are usually dear enough unless you are there on a Tuesday night where there are £1.50 drinks offers.
The club also attracts the wrong type as far as I am concerned: vapid, brainless girls/​sluts (delete as you find appropriate) and chav like males.
Avoid it at all costs unless you really have nowhere to go or have an unhealthy fascination with the Bee Gees.

Shudder. Shudder shudder shudder.
Which is what the average M clubber no doubt does after boking up the night’s bucket of blue WKD into the gutter after closing.
I’ve been here once — sadly my objections have often been ignored on work nights out — and it was awful. As I’ve mentioned in my other reviews, I like a bar where women can go and not get hassled for nothing more than the sheer audacity of being out in public. The M Club is not that place. I would honestly rather be single for the rest of my life than touch the average leery M Club ‘man’ with a barge pole. Attached to another barge pole and covered in tinfoil.
The female of the M Club species is just as obnoxious, consisting mainly of orange-​legged straw-​haired screeching millies about to pull the hair out of you for glancing in their direction. Each to their own re how you dress and all that, but I’ve struggled through the M Club crowd on the way to Spud’s via Lavery’s many a time and it’s always been quite hellish, especially when one of the spotty check-​shirted lads outside who’s failed to pull one of the millies that night thinks he may as well chance his arm with one of those weirdos from the Lavery’s direction. The bouncers are no help either, and indeed seem to think it is hugely amusing watching these minor cases of sexual harassment around them.
I wouldn’t even go to this place if it was the only bar open in all of Belfast. I’d open a speakeasy in my living room instead.
Avoid. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

I’m a bit at a loss to add anything about this place that other reviewers haven’t already mentioned.
I’ll confess though — I’ve been twice, and I didn’t totally hate it (gasp!). Although, both those nights were Fridays so we went to the Groovy Train, which will give you the cheesiest night you can imagine, but will also keep you dancing all night (whether you want to or not!).
On the down side, the floor was sticky, which was gross to say the least, and the crowd weren’t really my type either. Also, every surface in the toilets is mirrored (EVERY surface), which makes for even more of a dizzy feeling when you’ve had too many!
I think everyone’s right when they mention that fights are likely to break out here, so really, for that reason alone, it’s one to avoid (I for one like my men a little less… you know… punchy).
The only reason I’ve given it one more star than it really deserves, is that the bar underneath the club (the V Bar) isn’t actually terrible. I remember being in a few times before heading on elsewhere and it was totally fit for purpose.
See? There’s always a silver lining!

A lot has been said about this place over the years and basically it divides opinion like no other… I have friends I know and respect who «Love the place» and then I have friends who would never visit this place again. I’ve been there one and even though I had a pretty fun night, I don’t think it really was my cup of tea musically or socially.
Basically it’s a big, cheesy, tacky nightclub filled with young fired up kids. There are some crazy drinks promotions which only fuels the air of chaos and the music will either drive you to distraction or have you pulling your finest moves. You pays you money and you takes your chances.
Pros: Cheap drinks.
Cons: Can be a bit rough.

I have been here once, but really spent most of my time outside looking in. The queue for the place on a Friday and Saturday is always ridiculously long, and I’m not really sure where they all go, but it seems to pack a lot of people in. The patrons of the club are mainly the well dressed 20 something’s, which is not really my thing but it seems to cater really well for them.
The music is pop and dance and seems to suit the crowd well. There is a decent sized dance floor upstairs which a lot of the revellers use to strut their stuff.
Not really my thing but seems to be a great place to go if you like this kind of nightclub.

This club is the ultimate in cheese and attracts every millie from all over the city. Its cheesy pop and chart music mixed with cheap admission and cheaper drinks spells disaster. Ive been dragged here on two occasions, both for peoples birthdays and while the night’s weren’t bad I think this is the last place I’d come to by choice, bar for the groovy train maybe once a year for a laugh and bit of 70’s music. The queues outside on a Friday and Saturday night are awful and seem to go on for miles! I’d recommend this pace for those who are a) skint b) like cheesy dance music (cascada and basshunter) c) desperate.

Emma P wrote that the only night she can bare to face this place is on Groovy Train night and fair play to her. That’s one more night than I can! This place always has a huge queue outside the door. It might trick you into thinking it’s actually quite popular, or that it’s awesome inside. But it’s not nice inside, its dark and way over crowded. Usually by the type of people who love to over react and kick off a fight in a crowded place because they are certain you meant to specifically bump into them when struggling through the crowds. The only reason people go here, is because the offer drinks for a pound on certain nights and personally, I’d rather pay the standard price for a pint and have a good night than pay two thirds less but be forced to drink three times are much (if you can ever get to the bar) to drown out my surroundings.

Notorious with students during the week and party-​goers at the weekend, the M Club, located in Shaftsbury Square is THE place to be for dancers.
Offering £1-£2 a drink on Tuesdays and with funky club nights every Thursday, Friday and Saturday, the M Club is a great place for dancing and drinking.
The impressive exterior is matched by the clean and open interior and the bars are well stocked which is another bonus with the amount of drink that is regularly consumed.
Doors don’t open until 9 and the door tax has ranged from £3-£5 in my various visits.
Chances are if you are in any way a ‘pop-​music’ kid or a bit of a chart fan, you will adore this place. If however you like your music cooler and less commercial, avoid this like the plague. It is in effect pure unadulterated cheese, and if you don’t like cheese, then you won’t like here.
If however you want to get your gladrags on and go for a bit of a party, M Club will be right up your street.
I personally don’t mind it if you have a crowd of your own friends but if you find yourself going here without a close friend or two, the place becomes somewhat nightmare-​ish.

I can only really face this place on Groovy Train night to be honest, as I’m not a natural ‘clubber’, and so every so often I give in to the pleads and cries of my friends as they try to persuade their old smug married pal out for a proper night in a club. I usually enjoy it, I have to say, although the last time I really shouldn’t have sampled the Absinthe. Phew! Anyway, moving on — the Friday night Groovy Train night is the only night I can vouch for, I imagine it’s harder dance music on other nights of the week, and they do seem to do quite cheap offers for students to have a drink, which is probably another reason why it’s so popular. It can get messy in here, and outside in Bradbury Place on a weekend night — as there is usually some sort of fracas going on with typical drunk people — nothing too heavy but not a posh night out either. If you like clubbing and a good drink and dance, head this way.

Too pricy, place is full of people who have ideas of grandeour. Full of posers. Bouncers are heavy handed and inconsistent unless your a 6 foot blonde with there boobs hanging out. Do not go here.

great place to go on a Friday night for the groovy train. All 70s music and dancers. Great girly night.

We went as a hen party on a friday night, which is Groovy Train night. What a laugh! Lots of people were even dressed up in 70s clothes. The DJ was great and got the crowd really going. Entrance fee was £8 pound, which I deem to be reasonable. Drink prices average. You got 2 different floors. One with the dancefloor on and upstairs the gallery with full view of the DJ and the dancefloor. When we were in they had some proper dancers showing off their moves and a dance competition for everyone with a big bottle of bubbly as a price. I really enjoyed it and will be back for more!