Tonteria

Food was average, but the atmosphere was fun. Space is a luxury, but not entirely uncomfortable. We had a table in the back, which afforded us some extra room. The complimentary birthday cake, song, and dance were nice touches. The quirky Mexican theme was fun. Would return.

I went here for drinks with a friend. The food was not very good at all. We couldn’t finish it. The staff was a bit standoffish too. I wouldn’t come back. Drinks were ok.

Had higher expectations, service was poor — our table was in the extension room in the back, hardly any «club» atmosphere since it was so far removed. Were able to move eventually to another table, where our heads touched the wood ceiling for the tequilla train and we were continaully pushed around. The club couldn’t be bothered to put cushions on the seating so it was just a dirty piece of wood, Music was old and poor — Fat Man Scoop, really?
The club isn’t up to standards in terms of music and service that you would find elsewhere in London, so with so much choice, why spend here for a sub par night out?

Headed here for a friend’s birthday drinks on a school night — definitely overpriced and all a bit ridiculous but I can maybe see the appeal. If a small glass of wine wasn’t so extortionately priced. I forgot how ridiculously pricey London can get sometimes and then head to places like this.
The Mexican ‘tapas’ was interesting and a quirky twist but not something I’d head specifically here for. The birthday celebration was extravagant (sparklers! giant Mexican heads!) but as we had to chase it up for 30 minute for the birthday girl I feel it lost some of it’s appeal…
I can see why people might like this place but just not my scene — especially on a tame Thursday. Perhaps a Saturday when I wouldn’t mind the tequila flowing…

Me and my friends had a really fun night at Tonteria.
We went there to celebrate a hen’s party and everything was perfect.
The booking reservation process was very easy. The guy taking care of our table was really kind, we arrived with a luggage (a friend was arriving directly from the airport) and he was very kind in helping us. We asked for little «show» for the bride and two «wrestler guys» ad-​libbed a fake fight for our friend and it was really fun.
We will definitely go back!

This review has a first section for the restaurant /​bar before 11pm and then a second one for the nightclub.
1) Restaurant /​bar before 11pm:
I went to Tonteria with friends for a birthday on a Friday night, we reserved to get a big table and ordered drinks and tapas. They have extremely yummy regular margaritas and frozen margaritas. They also have other very good cocktails and a very wide selection of tequilas (I recommend Dom Julio for the tequila).
The tapas I tried were the veggie burritos, steak tacos, guacamole, the Mexican /​Spanish style green peppers, and fried squid. Everything was good but not phenomenal in food quality. The presentation of the food is original and appealing, and the general ambiance of the restaurant is young and fun. What I was the least fan of was the guacamole, which I thought was a little too sour in taste.
The music is ambiance Mexican /​latin around 9−10pm then it becomes gradually louder and changes to more commercial music as the place starts to get ready to transform into the nightclub. Starting from 10:30−11pm you have to give up your dinner table for people who have reserved the nightclub tables, but you can stick around the bar and wait for the place to fill up as a nightclub if you want to stay to dance and party.
I think this place is pretty ok for a group of friends who want to have tapas /​appetizers style dinner and yummy drinks. I would go back for its fun atmosphere rather than for the food.
2) Nightclub after 11pm:
It is nice to come for dinner or pre-​drinks early on in the night if you want to come for the nightclub because it is very hard to get in later at night especially since it is a pretty small club so gets packed VERY early on. Literally couldn’t move at like 11:30pm…
The music is pretty commercial — a mix of house /​electro, hip hop, a few older 80−90s songs occasionally.
Around 12 there are 2 – 3 dancers that come dressed up in sexy wrestling costumes (2 girls and one guy). Later on the dancers have a fire show where they play with fire sticks and then there is another show where two wrestlers come and do their fighting in the middle of the club. I must say this place has good entertainment and is pretty crazy but I thought the place was a little too packed and too small. People on average are in their mid twenties to forties, and well dressed.
Apparently the best night to go party there is on Mondays where models and socialite students come party. Have never been there on a Monday because, well… I have to go to work on Tuesday.

This place is absolutely horrific. It’s tacky and cheap and if that’s what you’re looking for then eat your heart out.
Let’s start with the doorman, who puts you off immediately and even early in the night tries to make you feel like you are in debt to him for the privilege of coming in and spending your money.
Once in, the waiting staff inside are rude and couldn’t care less about ensuring you have an enjoyable experience. They have a tequila train that goes around a track near the ceiling with sparklers whenever someone orders their special shots, if that’s not tacky enough the staff then comes out with all sorts of ridiculous masks and full head masks in the shape of trains and other strange characters.
Later in the night when it turns into more of a club and dance floor the music is actually quite fun (old school 90s R&B on Saturday night) but again, the serving staff are plowing through almost knocking you over, the stupid ‘entertainers’ with the massive masks are out taking up space and half the staff are wearing nacho libre style wrestling masks for no reason.
The crowd is the type of crowd that would think this is fun and cool, so if you do, then please go ahead, however if you’re the type of person that’s looking to have a fun night in a classy bar with likeminded people, please do yourself a favour and avoid at all costs.

Cette boîte londonienne est «the place to be» des 30 – 40 ans. Le DJ est absolument fantastique et diffuse tous les tubes sur lesquels on aime remuer en se remémorant les années ⁹⁰⁄₂₀₀₀.
Le concept mexicain est original, et les habitués très hype. On se fringue et on se maquille les filles! Quand on sort à Londres, ce n’est pas à moitié. On laisse la girly s’exprimer!
Et si vous avez besoin d’une petite retouche entre deux, les toilettes sont magiques! Du maquillage et des déo sont mis à votre disposition gratuitement avec une hôtesse adorable qui donne des petits conseils si on lui demande!
Je n’avais jamais vu ça!
Quant aux serveurs, ils sont très sympas.
Ce qu’il faut savoir: le lieu est très fréquenté et on y danse un peu collés/​serrés, les consommations sont chères et il faut arriver tôt pour éviter l’immense file d’attente.
C’est select et on né va pas en boîte à partir de minuit /​1h là-​bas, non! Plutôt à partir de 22h!
Si vous voyez un petit train qui circule au plafond autour de la piste de danse… vous n’êtes pas sujet aux hallucinations! C’est simplement une table qui a commandé des shooters de tequila!
D’autres animations sont prévues pour les cocktails commandés sur les grandes tables. Enjoy!

This place is nuts. I think the name translates as ‘silliness’ which in hindsight should’ve tipped me off!
Started with generic platters of quesadillas, burritos and nachos to line the stomach. Then we ordered a mega sharing cocktail (as the most cost effective group option), and the madness began.
An ominous tribal drum beat starts up as 2 waitresses carrying fireworks get everyone’s attention, followed by 2 waiters with giant colourful grinning skull masks who bring out a massive Aztec temple with 20 straws sticking out the top that turned out to be our drink. Boom!
So far, so entertaining. Then they roll away the tables, crank up the tunes and the place gets crazier — but sadly also kinda annoying.
The Crazy: skinny dancers in high-​rise lycra leotards and nacho libre wrestling masks gyrate on the sofas. Around midnight they wheel out a giant box (with the drum beat and fireworks again) out of which jump 2 Mexican wrestlers in shiny outfits, spraying the crowd with water guns as the DJ blasts the Harlem Shake. It was at this point whilst harlem-​shaking with a giant yellow grinning skull that I had to wonder whether this was really happening or they’d spiked the tequila. Good silly fun, which I would’ve been able to enjoy had it not been for…
The Annoying: it gets rammo fast and I spent much of the night having elbow wars with the group behind us. The room is a weird elongated shape so people are forever squeezing past to find the bar/​toilets/​exit/​friends/​more space. Most were pretty pushy, including the waiters, of which there were far too many to actually have reason to squeeze past. Music is so-​so. Bar is so narrow it took an age (and more elbow-​ing) to get served. Their saving grace at this point was the mahoosive tequila cocktail list which was actually pretty cool.
I loved the ‘adult’ Mexican theme (complete with naughty kama sutra skeleton paintings on the wall!), but at the risk of sounding like an old woman, it was everything that puts me off clubbing these days. Eventually a passing waiter spilt a drink down my leg and seemed more concerned about the table of blonde things who’d lost the drink rather than me, which is when I (usually one of the last ones standing) decided I’d had enough.
Halve the crowd and it could’ve been a 4-​star, but the novelty factor alone only gets you so far. I later found out that 2 of my (shorter) mates had the misfortune of standing behind the giant box at midnight which meant they’d been unceremoniously squished by the lid as it was forced open on top of them. Admittedly, I found this hysterically funny all the way home — but it tells you something about how much (or little) they care about their clientele.

«Do not disturb Thursdays»?
«Do not bother Thursdays» would be a more appropriate name for this disaster of an evening! That is unless you like spending 2 hours queuing with gurning door staff eye balling you. Completely shambolic queue organisation, grimy bouncers matched only by the grimier clientele, flowing with over inflated egos, fake tits and peroxide.
Don’t believe the hype, this night is a joke.
Complete waste of time.

What a fun place! My friend celebrated her 30^th birthday here and we realised just how old we are compared to the energetic drunk 21 year olds scattered in this place!
The tequila selection is unmatched! And you really can’t beat the dancing giant mucha lucha heads serving drinks and running the show. Love this place, even though I’m nearing 30.

Tonteria was a great Tequlia Tuesday early this year, even if it is a bit hard to find if you don’t know where you’re going.
Just downstairs off Sloane Square, Tonteria is a wonderful tapas/​cocktail bar that gets rowdy as the night carries on, featuring Latin and club music. From what I gather from their Facebook page, they feature Nacho Libre masks and drinks served in Dia de los Muertos skull glasses. And let’s not forget the tequila train on the menu.
The tapas was good – different than other places I have been and certainly not authentic Mexican (though early articles about the place said it was echoing the New York obsession with good Mexican food). The drinks were strong and unique (I had the Soul Happiness which was quite effective at making my soul happy, so aptly named), but I should hope so, given the price.
Overall, it was a lovely dining experience, though not what I originally expected (our TT nights typically feature restaurants over clubs). A friend I was with liked it so much she had her birthday there a few weeks later, so that’s something!

I actually joined Tonteria’s mailing list back in NYC, prior to coming to london, so when I received an email about their NYE event, I didn’t think much of it, but passed it along to some friends, in case they were interested. They were, and actually set up a table etc for us on New Years Eve.
The place was empty when we first got there, and I kid you not, it took over one hour to get our drinks (about 45 minutes after we’d ordered them, and asked the waiter regarding their whereabouts repeatedly).Our party of 6 ordered a TON of food (which wasn’t great for my boyfriend and I, who don’t really eat heavily when out for NYE or other special occasions, where photography will be a goal of the evening), and the solitary bite of a taco I had was beyond bland, at best. The drinks I sampled were bad enough that I switched to wine (never a good sign, as I’m not a wine fan), and there was a huge issue with regards to our reservation, and management really offered no apologies or attempts to rectify the situation (each of us spent about 250 pounds, so it was not a cheap night, nor an especially drunk one).
Small bathroom with only two stalls, so you’ll be in line for a long time if there at a busy night (which NYE obviously ultimately was, albeit a slow start).
I’ve been back since with another group, and the service wasn’t much different, although at least I knew better than to try even one solitary bite of food that time. Also, the crowd wasn’t spectacular either visit, and there were sloppy people falling down in the bathroom on NYE (although that isn’t the venue’s fault, but maybe a bit more regimented door control, as one girl actually knocked myself and a couple other girls to the floor when falling down in the bathroom sink area).
I guess the stand out plus of the place from my two experiences was the hostess, who was very sweet, and when I exited early for the above reasons during my second visit, was concerned enough to inquire why I was leaving, at least indicative that she might care in the slightest about the customers’ experience.
Also, our (extraordinarily slow) server on NYE informed us that «tonteria» means stupidity in portuguese… not so, as it actually apparently means «nonsense» in spanish, so not sure why they’d even bother imparting strangely untrue information unsolicitedly.
The space itself is cute enough (although the tequila train I’d heard so much about was pretty anticlimactic), so if they just improved their customer service and cocktail making skills (and food… so everything), it would have potential. Otherwise, I don’t know how long it will last in such a desirable location.

Finally a proper tequila bar in London!
While London has become the culinary capital of the world, its weakest link has been authentic Mexican cuisine. While the landscape for good and spicy food is slowly improving, many places are still often reduced to cheap bars doing drunken shots. Not so at Tonteria on Sloane Square which understands that tequila is high end, sophisticated, and appreciated.
The space itself is stylish in a cozy kind of way. Warm colors, ceramic Mexican tiling, it is thankfully miles away from kitschy ‘sombrero’ décor many places put out there. And that is the point, it is meant to be a connoisseur’s tequila bar. The tequila menu is extensive and varied. Impressive. Including better brands like Don Julio, 7 Leguas, and Tesoro to name a few. Forget Cuervo and Sauza this is the good stuff. And it is meant to be sipped like a brandy or aged whiskey. No slammers here please.
There are of course house blend margaritas and Mexican themed drinks. Not to be missed is the Tamarind flavoured margarita. During the later hours of the evening the bar becomes more of a nightclub and there are large shared drinks like the Luchador to try.
The place is still finding its feet a bit. The bartenders while decent mixologist are still getting their heads around the lingo. And the bar is missing classic drinks such as ‘Sangrita’ a fruit drink chaser often served with good tequila. Also missing on their menu is the ‘Bandera’. The bartender had no idea what I was talking about when I asked. And if this high class establishment really wants to get ahead of the trend then may I suggest adding Mezcals to their repertoire. There are some outstanding boutique mezcals coming out of Mexico that are even better then many tequilas.
In the meantime I am happy with having an splendid selection of tequilas in a pretty place I can wear my heels to. Tonteria will do nicely and I am thrilled that it is here.
And mark my words: Mezcal will be the next big drink…